Truth

assalamualaikum ..

hi bloggie ... i have forgotten u for quite a while. thing is..i do not have the time and energy to write longer posts. i am brain tired and missing someone dearly.

I have hurt myself deeply this year. I thought i am moving on. the only thing i did was keep on hurting my heart.

Dear ...I did not mean to keep myself away from you. I miss you too much. I am scared of losing you. I am scared it would be the same ...like ten years ago. If only you knew, how I terribly miss you ...not being able to see you, to talk to you ...or even see your smile ...is a Pain to me. Pain to My heart.

I am sorry ...I do not mean to do this to you. I thought it will help us both. But It is actually Hurting me. I do not know about you....but my Dear ...I think I have Fallen in Love with You. Deeply.

My Prayer to Allah is to Grant me to Love you for HIM...to Love You as part of My Ibadah.

May He Listens to My Prayer.
May You Listen to My Heart, Missing You Dearly~

Drain...

assalamualaikum bloggie..

everyday ...i have to live with it. No matter how hard i fight thru ...pleasing thru ..I can Never win. It's like am a complete loser when it comes to That. Each day the feeling surpasses every morale one could have. Yet ...I just Believe I can Win this. I want to Fight for it..and I do not want to Give up. Coz I was not born a Loser. No matter how tough it is ...I will fight. I have been battling it since day 1...why should I give up ? there is no absolute reason why i Should Give up. I gotta learn to be strong Eventhough I am different. Different in so many ways.

One Day ..I believe I will find The Answer. Till then ...
no matter how Painful it is To me ...I will not Deter ...

No.

December 31 - Year End

hmm..assalamualaikum..

it has been a while...lama sangat tidak menulis...nak kata sibuk...tidak...ya...sibuk...entah lah bloggie...sibuk in a way ....tidak sibuk in many ways...ha ha .....tapi pasti nya ...i have been tumblin' up n down with life and dia ( oh it's a small d alright...)

i guess it;s a miracle today ...bilamana dia "showed up" and as usual...menjadi dia who made me impatience ..with things around me ...huhu...i don't think i have the patience ...inside...heck ...am not the patience type pun ...kekdah nya ..hahahaha...pasti nya aku tahu diri ini terlalu menjauhi semua orang ...eversince ...i hardly welcome people to my life...let alone to accompany me lunch or dinner....semuanya ..aku prefer sendiri. yes....that's me ..sedekad yang lalu .....whereby ..today genaplah sedekad itu....do i wanna go for another decade? ....now that's a pang. :)

entah lah bloggie...i have been wanting to forget all these and move on .....fate always kids around with me by sending him ....whenever i am about to decide...sigh.....

dont Joke with me nimor God ....I am so Tired...from all those...

right under my nose

assalamualaikum bloggie ...

my angel is slipping away ....right under my nose....in front of me.

it is painful.
tormenting.
day by day ... i'm ripped.

why am i doing this to myself.... I dunno.
i guess carolyn is right....There is No Black n White. It is all SHADES. Certainties are not there.

it is all about Fate..what He Has Given Us....Only He Knows.

This Game is Killin' me ... Will It be for another 10 years...?

I am not Strong.

wishes - part II

assalamualaikum bloggie.

told ya. he forgot it.

~sigh~

Wishes

assalamualaikum bloggie...

it's getting nearer....i am anxious.
i am somewhat confident ....he will forget.
juz like he does...always does.......

oh well...time is Near too...
by Then...no Turning back...

Day 1

assalamualaikum bloggie...
huh..kinda long n boring day for me. why?

1. i slept my whole day through.
2. i was in pain most of the time.
3. streamyx sucks. i can't log on to kill my yet another boredom.
4. no good movies on tv.
5. no pizza or buffalo wings for delivery! ha ha.
6. no work.
7. not much things to do besides sleeping.

those were the pretty-much-things i did today. not really progressive.

i slept on my daytime. now i cant sleep night time. aiiyaa....why look for troubles sha oii...

then to kill my time ...i ...

8. daydream about many things.
9. was thinking of a prince charming to come and rescue my days with huggies and smoochies ... ( yah rite!) hahahaha
10. laughed at myself for being so Old and Romantic. hahahahahahahah

conclusion: life sucks today. I wish I am never awake till morning. hoorghh~~~~~~

Mine

Assalamualaikum...

haa its a tiring day. today i came back from office at 630pm. that was late. considering that during fasting month...people go off by 4pm. i dont think i have enough 24 hours in a day.

come to think of it ...if i were given 30hours a day ..it wont be enough for me.

what happened to me today? let's see...

1) I got my biz-card. yay...finally. after ages of waiting. Mr X called me up to pick up the card. ngguuu~~ he juz despised my Guts i think. so there i was upon knowing about my card...i nonchallantly walked down to his desk....

me: card?
X: yes..ni dia...
me: 100?
X: seratus setengah...
me: (apa punya jawapan daaaaaaaaaaa)
X: sebab kita buat kat company lain
me: oh? bukan docnan ke? (saje nak panjang kan citer sbb dia dah offer nak sembang dulu..hahaha gatal!)
X: tak ...kita dah tukar...sbb murah lagi. tapi kad saya ada beza sikit ..tak sama dengan kad awak.
me: ( and i have to know ...WHY?) ooo..ye ke...
X:aa logo saya kecik sikit ...sbb ari tu pakai logo file lain masa submit...
me: duhh...( Do i need to know that?) dang...

that was bits n pieces of our mundane conversation. i lost my interest to even work with him. let alone to talk nicely to him. but since he was very nice to me this evening ...i gave credit la....
so i decided to walk off...then he said...

X : kalau ada orang nak lagi bagitau saya tau ...
me: (heh? getek nye ) ahahahah a ye la ...
then i started to walk off again ....and he said...

X: saya tak pasti la pulak pasal permission tu kena tanya hea.
me: (outta nowhere ...ai..initiating evidence nampak....) ahahahaha

long story short. he misses talking and making jokes with me. period. hahahah ...
mcm bagus la sha oii..........ha ha ha

13th Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

hoh ....it's fasting month already and I am not getting any thinner. hehehhehe

so many incidents occurred during this Holy Month. I myself ..have been preparing for the finale ....with the fish in the sea. Time to time ....I am making sure I will be able to accept the come-what-may result from this so called ...fling. haha ..macam bagos....

i juz had my tadarus and now am sleepy as hell. will need to prepare for my next class in half n hour .....oh my gawd...........

astonishment

assalamualaikum bloggiee..

heee :) should i say? NO. hahahahahahhaha...what's the purpose of writing alone here right? however i am thankful to Allah ...for Listening to My Heart. I should get to sleep. its almost 3am already and i am wide awake. excited i guess...and contented ...hooo ^_^

will the phase remain? I dunno.

All I knew ...it's not greener all the time....there are times ...we will be Tested.

~sigh~~~~~