Monday, September 29, 2008

Spring Clean!!

Assalamualaikum bloggiee..
wah! time for cleaning up! all of my overdue work have completed. FINALLY. I' m sooo glad to see my table is clear and fragranced! haha thanks to kak yam ..chief janitor for febreeze. It's raining heavily out. whoaaa...I plan for iftar with pek tonite. first gotta go home and freshen up. how to go's pouring..ujan ujan cenggini ...terkenang nih ... aiighh....bak kata misha omar "kerapkali kau muncul di ruang minda...kamu selalu..buatku tersenyum sendiri ku (tak) tahu apa disebalik senyuman itu...hahaha aku ..slalu..terkenangkan kamu bila kamu ..jauh dari diriku kamu selalu yang ku rinduuuuuu"( hahahahaha) yekkkkkkkkkk...

and the rain got even heavier! hahaha.

queer...but i have no clue on what to ramble.
I wonder if my brother is back...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Human Connection

Assalamualaikum bloggie ..
As I was sitting at my desk last week, thinking of my future...and what's gonna happen this eid, I took up new interest - PHOTOGRAPHY. On the 25th Ramadhan, after sahur, I took off to Sabak Beach and laid my high density saturated fat body on the rocks and started snapping. Just the nature and I at dusk. I got very excited as the picture came out ..better than the first. I uploaded to fotopages and to my surprise, there were 5 comments waiting for me this morning. I was flabbergasted and oober-excited. Little did I realize that's how the feeling when you did something that is unintentionally planned. Maybe, this could..(COULD) be a new's quite expensive though to come up with the gadgets, but's avidly tempting :-)

Too bad, I have no one to share this good thought with.. *sigh..* haha ...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Eid Mubarak to all Muslims

Assalamualaikum ..bloggie...
I'd like to wish all muslims around the world, A wonderful Eid Mubarak. May it be another lesson-learned moment to us (especially me..) May we all find the beauty and bliss of Syawal 1429H.

to Ayah and Che : Ampunkan segala dosa-dosaku. Hope this Eid will be much more meaningful to all of us.

to regular friends in here : jaga diri baik-baik on hari raya and selamat return to office a.s.a.p hehehe

to my students: happy balik-kampung. Have safe journeys back.

to my colleagues : Eid Mubarak.

to my bic & family : Drive safely to kampung halamans. Happy posing with new baju raya.

to my family ( Saidi, Pauzi, Eda, Yati) : Let's pray it'd be a different one this year.

to my relative : what can I say...we're still related. Selamat Hari Raya.

to KTD : Minal Aidil Wal Faizin, May your Vision and Mission succeed.

to Guardhouse : don't forget to unlock the gate on the 5th coz I'll be back!

to Semut : Don't forget Open House, I'll go if Alien isn't invited (hohohoho)

to Virginia and Isabel : I know you guys celebrate Christmas, but hey's much lovelier with you two in mind on Eid. thank you for being my friends.

to Hengky Susanto : I'll keep admiring you (from far! haha)

to LP : why do you have to be so little...Eid Mubarak ...and I'll definitely miss you.

to Bunny : Though I let you go, I failed to forget you. Though you took The Vow, I failed to erase you. On this lovely Eid, I make a pact to myself, though your Love is still with me, I'm moving on. I wish you happiness on My Religious Day. and May Allah SWT protects me from missing you. Eid Mubarak. GOOD BYE.

To the rests who're wondering what the heck am I rambling about :-) Have a Wonderful Syawal and berhati-hati di jalan raya. Ingatlah orang yang disayang.

peace and love,

As I See

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

Almost everybody has left for Eid. I'm working till Tuesday. It's a tiresome routine but hey ...who's complaining? :-)

Eid is beautiful and full of Allah's Blessing. However, Eid in my life has never been that colorful as before. I have always wanted to avoid it, every year..(yeap...) If only I can disappear, I would. No offense. I was the one who was damn eager for 1 Syawal (once..upon a time in a lala land...) I was oober-excited with new clothings, new shoes, new everything. Now, I don't know where did it all go..hehe...

I have grown (I supposed). I no longer want new clothing and accessories. I no longer want to attend Open Houses. I prefer to be home and not do anything (in my home cannot ..not do anything because people are in and out continously sometimes until night) oighhh...I didnt like that. They are all either my father's friends or (of course) The Relatives. I have too many. Some of them I didn't even know they exist. Next thing I know ..hey this is your cousin from bla bla bla...working as ..bla bla bla....big money ..bla bla bla....-married with 3 kids. Then I'd go BLA BLA BLA (inside...) Sometimes I wonder why am I so cold to THEM? My parents always lecture me on behaving myself. BEHAVE as in salam with them, go buat air, entertain them (do I look like a circus monkey?), sapu what they spit, pleaaaseeeddd THEM. aigghh....the list would go on and on and on ....and these people I only see ( there's a reason why I'm not using the word 'meet' here) ONCE a year! bosannya...because to me ..when we are relatives, WE:-
  • meet more than ONE time in a year

  • visit each other REGULARLY (not when we sick or about to die)

  • have iftar together

  • call up to say HELLO

  • have thanksgiving together, as in kesyukuran or majlis2 agama bersama-sama ..why not?

  • go picnics together or cuti-cuti Malaysia

  • chat over YM or text each other (for young ones)

  • frikkin' DO THINGS TOGETHER! duhhhh...
AND THAT are what RELATIVES and FAMILY mean to me. newsflash, in my so called family, we don't do all that (we used to..back in dinasour days) What happened? Beats me. Alas, everytime this annual event coming up, I don't feel like serving those people. Coz I felt like a big hypocrite. A staging that I've to put up with every year. People grow up and have committments (so do I) They claim time is not on their side, they were busy ....they were this and that. Craps. When I (purposely) did the same to them claiming I have no time, they were mad at me ...DUUUUUUUUUHHHHH....didnt you get the picture? I experimented a lot in my life ..and I came up with a conclusion that ..PEOPLE hardly realize their mistakes/shortcomings, YET they are just dying to punish and blame OTHERS, that's where they derive their satisfaction. Let it be a lesson-learned for me to not to become like them ..( eii Nauzubillah....muhasabah..muhasabah....)
Soon, (in 5 days time) I'm about to gear up for my fine act ..again. putting up smiles and oh-it's-been-a while-since-we-last-met (it was last raya, u jerk..) ...aiigghh..Sabar aje laaa....

That's why I prefer to be quiet. When I'm angry or dissatisfied (instead, I blog). hehehe. I'd be rude if I were to tell, right on da face (so.. I blog-lah..hahaha). Plus ...Allah SWT loves those who practices Patience and Gratitude.

"But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return":they are those on whom (descend) blessings from their Lord and Mercy. And they are the ones that receive guidance." (Al Baqarah:155-157)


Thursday, September 25, 2008

To ALL my F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Need I say more...?

Especially for Pek

penat berusaha ni tawwwww....the waves were so envious of me....i basah bejerup tawwww nak dapat ni ...hehehehehehehehehe

My Satisfaction..

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
I am proud to present you this morning's work ..around 630am...nearby my goes without saying....

I love this....

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pre-Eid Celebration

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

I'm stuck with MKK and PA letters. I have been very lazy to come to work this week. Today, I'm expecting submission of papers and no more classes for this week until October 5th. Wah...quite a holiday for them. Midsemester break. Suddenly I was thinking of Cancun. World famous spot for Spring break for most students in Mars. Cancun chixs....yikes....not even close to moi...well I guess it's culture...of someone else...

As for mine, Eid is waving in...most people are in the mood of celebration. ME? I'm looking forward to catching up on sleep and my linguistic research. whoaaaa.....didn't sound like a celebration month at all ..did it ? that's my Life.....

I was walking to multimedia studio earlier on and guess who I bumped into? ALIEN! yes ..alien ..the ever-so-annoying-alien is back. Somebody should say something about his aint gonna be me though. Coz I've tried and to no avail. I came up to my cocoon and still..pissed... hmmpphhhh..(coz he made annoying remark at me, AGAIN)

again and again I wonder, why is he here? he's messing up my socializing at work.
and when will I stop complaining about him ? :-I


Monday, September 22, 2008

For McT Dungun, who's too lazy to draw

Assalamualaikum ...all..

so how?friends? ada gaya van gough? monet? da vinci? hahahahaha...T, I'll post this temporarily..should u want me to remove this a.s.a.p, let me know ..I'll be more than glad to give you the file hehehehe....takat tu jah cekat gu ...nak sobek banyak ...haaa....smula ripim..hehehehehe, yellow cats tu ...arwah dollos and arwah pek... :-( ado symbolism banyak tu ...later you can tell me what u understand from that....the rests if ya'll wanna interpret this "art" pleasee do so ...hahahahahah bilo lagi nok komen yatie my ex-hsemate and officemate back in Terengganu (In Memoriam) 2003-2006 (dih? aku pun tok ingak T weh hahahahaha)

Shadow Play - My Root...

Aiiiii.....Assalamualaikum everybody!...hihihih how is every wang (one) doing? hohoho...aiiiihhh....we meet again mek sha's was personally invited to tell you ..a setori ( story ) ...laik (like) the first episok (episode) la nihh.....aiihhhhhhh...on your right is mai badi (buddy) Wok Dogol or famously known es WD..hahahahahah ...and I'm King ...king hapo....King Kong hhahaha...or you can koll me ..KK...aiiihhhh......en der setori begins....

KK : aiighhh.....wer did yu kam from nih WD...long taim no si........

WD : what la yu ....enter enter no gip salam ...aiiii..assalamualaikum one more taim ( skali..lagi)

KK : haloh ..haloh..halohhhh....very bekem der...hahahaha ..hawaalaikumsalammm WD weiiii where have yew bin?

WD : haaa laik det la king kitoww.....cleber cleber......aim fain....segar mowleppp he he he hehe he hehehe ....hawau yew King? blah manow....aaaa...

KK : aihhh.....ambo very der fain, ing der ping op helth...

WD : eh...KK..yu know? ambo ..worry la ....mek sha...det girl laa...yu know...

KK : mek sha? mek sha hu? hu shi? name pritti veri ..hahahah ...comel?

WD : aaaaiiihhhh ...yu ni tuweyku...luks can bi disiving....shi...chomey! hahahaha

KK : hahahaha...aishayy....chomey! kemmmahh...veri der....wai shi....o.k? k.o?

WD : dets wai laa....i wang tu tell yu wori veri ....shi sed sed nau laa tuweykuuu...donno wat tu say...luk her...epi epi ...inside...shi...God knows tuweykuuu.....shi...aiighhh....ambo cannot explain la tuweykuuu...shi sed sed ai know wai ..bat ai kenot tell yu ol setori la.....

KK : if laik det...better don tell la WD, shi sed sed for a sort wail onli...apter dis ..shi bi okay...aighhhh......dokshohs worri laaaaa...

WD : korop kerim lasss wehh...

KK : haa ..wat ..wat yu say say about me...aishhh...dolat key ...tuloh keeiiiii....hhaiiktt

WD : hep ..heppp apology tuweykuuu....aim sorri kiddin yu slo slo laa.......wallohhh....haikttuigh halup.....

KK : ah but dennn....yu laik det ai haiktuighh laa..hahahahah....yu tell her seng regak...later ai koll .... ai tok tok ..tu la wai ....aiighhh.....diffikelt laik dis ...wen a girl krai krai outside ken bai bai eskrem tu setop ..ip krai insait.....aiiiiiiigghh... ai mas kol sita dewi lash....meibi shi knows wai...

WD : aaiiighh...wan tu kredit or not boss....hahahahah ...det light lak lak ...nyalow..kedit finish la tuu...hahahah

KK : aiiihhh basoowww...anying anying King..haku pemm keiii ...aiihhhh letih waiihhh kecek manggerihhh nihh....hacu gi heda..heli topap betoww for a wail ...go

WD : awoohh....hambab.....huak hano hito hambo hiyooo...hooo haim hoing ni ..haim hoinggg (i'm going) wi kontiniu ....neks taim neh....aabbbbabaaaaiiiii...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Auntie moment

Assalamualaikum bloggie..
that's moi and farhan, esi's (bicmate) youngest son. He is soooo chubby and chomel and cute cangat....auntie sha is still in the process of tackling him hehehehe...auntie sha shukaaa his gebooo cheeks...chunky legs....gewammnyaa....

To Mek T in Dungun

haaaaa...wuhhh..Assalamualaikum belako lako..(haha)
T weh ..this is what I meant by drawblog. Express what you want. If u want the software I can email it to you ( tok leh oyak derah-derah sini

Some of my students have already left for Eid's break. Early? I KNOW. They claimed no ticket. that's how it is in this region. Always 'box office'. Luckily I don't have to run for tickets and service center.

To those who're going back to their hometown, ride safely, drive safely. service your vehicle. best nye driving balik kampunggg......

to all my friends I LOVE YOU! MMMMMMUAHS!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Friends...Near of Far...

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
M for Merah! hehehe My favorite color. Redz Rule!
I am still waiting for last call of papers to be submitted. I think I wanna go off by 530pm. 15 minutes more. Not many turn up the paper today. As usual these people love to piss me off. Hours of explanation on being punctual when sending in their works have always been ignored. They think I am nice. They wish! Some of them haven't seen the darker side of me. I really cannot tolerate late - offenders. Come Sunday when I am not giving any marks for their test 1 then they kalut. Always taking advantage of my kindness and flexibility in their schedule. These are the generation of tomorrow. How? seii lorr....

I need to stop by the fruit stall afterward, to get some banana for my pie. yummy..Last night after Iftar, I head to town to get some ice cream. Then I thought of Pa'ah, how she loves McFlurry very much. There I was queing up in Mc D for Mc Flurryyyyyyyyyy Berrieeeezzz..

That red berries just ........errrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cedappppnya, it was sooo oober-freezing goodylicious!..I thought it was snowing outside..hihihihihi ..they could have been very generous if they put a litttttle bit more berries....heee :-)

To Pa'ah, if you are reading this, be strong ....get Mc Flurry, sit have come out strong and inshaAllah you can do it again this time. least McFlurry never fails us :-) I LOVE YOU SAHABAT.

To Nor, you too girl! Be Strong in dealings with orang-orang yang tak pernah reti bahasa malaysia ni ..jhehehehehe...sengalians...that's what I always call these types. If you think of them, you will become them. THEREFORE, stop thinking about them. Think about your future..ROCK that KPSL bebeh! U-CAN-DO-IT!!

Sahabat-sahabat ku semua sedang di Uji, including me. This is a challenging month for us indeed. I am still unclear of what to do, all I know it is really tearing me apart and I was not myself for few days. Honestly I don't know what to do and it makes me realize my life is in the Hands of Allah SWT, not my mom, not my dad, not my so called sisters, not my's ultimately in HIS. My Creator, My God Almighty - teaching me the meaning of submission to Him and enduring His Care and Challenges...I can only Pray He'd Protect me from any wrongdoings.

Iftar Perdana - Prepylicious

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
What a tiring Nuzul day. I know I shouldn't complaint since it's the Holy month, but it was really a tiring day. I slept half day thru hahahaha...tahana lembu pa'ah wei....with or without backpain pa, it's part of my duty. Nak tak nak ...kan ku harungi segala....students laa...yang gave me a lot of moral support to be there....hmmmm.....without further a due, i'd like to share some of those moment with ya' we go..

that is one of our BOD (in grey) Tn Hj Nasir Saat and students chopping the kaw-kaw or goat-goat...i dunno coz there were cow and goats too on that day. Abg Rahim in black and white my sous-chef hehehehehe sedapkan gulai kawah kita (hahaha kekwat banget...)

haaa...this is my Administrative Manager, Tn Hj Hassan, credits to him for becoming my unofficial photographer.hehehe...posing je tu .....bukan dia slaughter the kaw hahahaha..

eh!! who's that gorjes in pink! hua hua hua ...that's moi la ..who else..Boston Ever! that was the early stage of 'killing the spices' moment. Kelantanese calls it "mati awah" I say, kill the spice..die!die!die! The spices need to be fully stirred and mixed with the meat. I'm telling you, it was wicked hot. I think I lost a pound or two hehehehehe. It took about 2 long hours to godek that ...and there were 3 more kawahs of gulai is NOT an easy job....but it surely is FUN!

Of course! I wouldn't miss it! Moi again with the 3 kawahs of gulai. It was oober-licious! Actually those weren't fully cooked yet. It was only the second stage of killing the spices. I really enjoyed my cooking-moment there. Learned a lot about kawah-cooking (maklum le ..blom kawin ..mana la reti nak masak recipe grande cam ni ) That auntie cum Head Chef shared some of the secret recipe, I was really excited. see the face? wicked CHOMEL! hahahaha jangan jelesss...that thing was really hot kain almost got burnt u know..luckily ..else sure I kene ketuk with Hj Hassan. hehehehe...tabik boss...eventhough I was really tired, but I was excited and happy to be there with my students. Beside me is Abg Rahim, Anuar, Wafi (in red next to the van) and few others.

haaaa....I was taking my break. As it was too smokey. Zul Willi took over my kawah, and the second kawah is ...jeng jeng jeng.....ALIEN! itu lah alien yang selalu bertekak dengan ahkak ..eveli single momeng (surprisingly that day, we didn't bicker, the heat must have silent him kot..hehehehhe) ...and 3rd kawah is Wafi, I guess Anuar in black is stirring the gravy. Blom masak lagi pun dah smell wicked-licious..YUMMY!

Will post more later. Now I have students waiting for project supervision and mc T in poli dungun IM-ing me.

Iftar Fiesta

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
I was hidden behind the papaya leaves..was in the middle of putting the 2nd secret recipe into the kawahs. On my left was laling Murshidi. One of a few students who I like because they are sooooooo polite. Zul is working hard on my kawah...and alien on his...

All in all, the event was worth attended for. I usually avoid such events because I can't stand crowd. That place was big and there were many people. The one you saw is only a tiny portion of it. I went home that noon and returned later in the evening for Iftar. This time I didn't get the chance to take photos. I was too busy aiming for gulai yang dikacau oleh saya (hahaha) yang enak banget itu..even Kak Ja took it home for Sahur. ah...bangga sungguh. One thing for sure, I went home with a wonderful recipe in my head. Terasa nak kluarkan aje kawah mak dalam stor tu and sembelih sekor lembu ...hahahah...tapi for what even ek ...bukan aku nak kawin esok ...hohohoh....whatever it is ..I feel like taking out my mom's kawah and GET COOKING! excited banget.....

It surely weaved the Ukhuwah. I felt it. I Love it. I was a part of it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Where is the Light

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

Again, every Tuesday is a lecture-holic moment for moi. From 8am till 1.30pm that is my crazy hours. By the time I entered my 5th lecture, I was flat and about to puke. hehehe. my back hurts a bit today due to no reasons. I have settled all the prizes for the Ramadhan debate and guess what, later in the afternoon came in another request for cenderahati. We will be having Majlis Penyampaian Bantuan Aidilfitri Fakir & Miskin this thursday. The boss decided to have Tn Hj Yahya over to officiate the event. Hence the cenderahati scouting...aisshh....eden idok le gomarr beli beli last menet nih....working with infamous HEP yang memang dah sedia maklum akan ke ad-hoc an nya....flatten me. Did I mention Alien and I are not on talking term? Yep. We're not talking. I pissed him off the other day (who'd ever thought Alien has emotion?hehehee) well I guess the table is turned. He should know what is it like being annoyed. IF he can ever digest that. Let him be...don't poke salang tebuang..hehe

Tomorrow is Nuzul Quran ..CUTI!!!!! YAY! and it's fadh-fadh's birthday too. Happy birthday. wah...banyak sungguh virgonian moment bulan ni ...end of this month is oja's. haiyoo...tomorrow cannot sleep late la...I have to accompany Semut to Hilal's gotong lolong for Iftar Perdana ...halaaaaaaaaaa....baru je nak berangan tido. sleep hours are deprived lately....tu'ch okay...lembu punya pasal ...I be there cut cut u ah kaw kaw... is kinda ..done...and I'll be off soon. my back really hurts...Pa if u r reading this...remember the pain in Mars? i guess it's back .........hou tong aaaaaa....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Ramadhan and Love

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
I am still stucked in the office. I am supposed to go to hypermart, to get some minced beef for iftar's spaghetti. I haven't keyed in all the carrymarks and I owe Esi quite a few (hee :) jangan maree aaaa...)

As I was completing 'em up, came in Pn Mai (or fondly known as Kak Mai among us OR ..the beautiful moi.. :> ) She came in and gave me the biggest hug (ever) aiyoo it melted me la.. the fondly gestures really melts me. She never fails to come into our cubic and gives me big hugs almost everyday ..lately. heeee.....lama tak rasa hug hug la dulu only among those arabic, pakistanis, jordanian, syrians, sri lankanian, indonesians community je. Tup tup ..duk kat ktd neh ...macam rasa duk kat tempat dulu je..the only thing that differ is we speak Malay, instead of English...(how nice..tho..) Although the ambience is not the same ..somehow she makes it feel that way. Kak Mai as I knew her is a super oober loving lady. her words and gestures are comforting and her storytelling skill is superb. she can wow you with her eclectic ideas and belief of beautiful Islam without you falling asleep! Your eyes and ears will be glued to her utterances and story. She makes you part of the story and it's simply tantalizing.

Tn Hj Rosdi is indeed blessed having her as a spouse and Shafiqah is just complete with her mother's unconditional tender loving care. Wonderful people with Wonderful Hearts. Thanks to Allah for Bestowing such people in this place. It surely needs that spark to light up the atmosphere.

I'd better get going. Need to drop by Kak Ja's house for the iftar invitation and minced meat for spaghetti. oigh....the pidato ramadhan gifts too.....when I thought of it ...annoying...then ...bila ingat...Patience and Gratitude...Sabar Sha ...Sabar......sebelum ni boleh ..takkan hari ni tak boleh kan ? 'atta girl.......u go!

Sunday, September 14, 2008


Assalamualaikum bloggie..
I've accomplished my duty as the announcer for the program. I've RSVP-ed the invitation and submitted to Tn Hj Rosdi. Relieved.

Oh yeah, Alien and I argue, again. It's over simplest thing. He gave Salam from behind, I was shocked. Do u know what he said? too bad la ...orang bagi salam pun terkejut.rahmat tiada or something like that la he said, i rephrased his sentences as he was uttering it to me. To my dismay, I sat there in disgust, wanting to say things back at him instead, I just looked at him in awe as he walked passed by me. Urghhh...aku posa aku posa ..aku posa..AKU POSA...tak berbaloi aku nak sakit kapla ngan orang camtuh! huh... he is indespicably annoying. Apa la masalah budak ni ..kurang hormon ka apa.

Self-centered hor? em haiya maa..sayang ....belajo tinggi...tapi attitude...ah ..dont want to think about it. Let the taqlu be....who am I to comment on him, after all ..he's the degree holder in Islamic studies.... henna? ngo em chi ya..

I can't wait for my new Baju Kurungs. Purposedly tailored for office events. I didn't plan to have Baju Raya this year ( or any years ) Talking about Raya, it worries me. Not knowing how the morning of Raya will be, scared me. Will it be another chaos? Somehow I wish I am the only child in the family. (cruel huh...?) That is how I felt. I don't feel I have siblings at all. Everybody is too busy with their 'world'. And to be honest I am not in their photo album. I have been invisible ever since I returned. I was before, but then again, I didn't feel like I was there to begin with. I was only their khadam, messenger or a plain goat for them to slaughter. That's how I looked at it. Now, I couldn't be bothered if they don't come and visit at all. They all have families, I can understand. How come I didn't see such things happen to other people's families? What I don't understand, have I been in their picture when I was born?

What went wrong? beats me. Lack of Love I presume. I on the other hand, is bestowed with tonnes of Love (eventhough I've recently realized it) I have been THE apple of my parents eyes since Allah knows when. In fact, too much. I remember not being able to go outing with friends, not until 15 or 16 years old. I was not allowed to have male friends until 18 years old. No dating whatsoever. I have been under my parents' microscope till now. I remembered shopping at Rantau Panjang (when I was 24...) which took about an hour from my house, coming home straight to a question of "what were you doing there? who were the 2 person with u? why weren't we told of them" ( I know..My God too...) we're talking about daylight and I went there without telling) My fault too but to be scolded like I went for a date or menggataling with a man, that was unfair. But, that was my life. I have been guarded since I was small. I'm not a Dato' or Tan Sri's daughter, not even a Princess of any states, Yet, I'm guarded. Now, I have curfews. I cannot be home later than 11.30pm (or i'll turn into a pumpkin..mashed pumpkin) Few years back it was 7pm. Imagine at the age of 27 my curfew is 7 at night. The only reason I got my curfew being pushed slightly later because I got involved with many programs at work. If I have student's emergency, I have to give details and then I'll be released to 'perform' my duty to my needy students. (hensel n gretel pun...tak macam tu ....haha) Somehow, refusing the Datukship from kelantan ruler IS a right decision after all. Imagine my life after penjara la jadi nya...bukan bleh bawak masuk kubur pun......

That is my life. I used to complaint about it (like a lot) But now, I'm accepting it. I am (olweish) a Princess to them. None of my siblings get THE attention like I do. If my parents have to be away for few days, I'll have a Nanny to accompany me! I once joke my mum, "do u want them to change my pads?" hahaha as usual my mak will bengang and bebel like no tomorrow. I have been and lived places, handling things on my own ..and when I am home, I'm like a newborn! I still have to do chores on my own, it's just that they still need to govern me. Haiyo this tell me. My parents are too protective. That's my conclusion. I once asked my mak, " sapo la nok kidnap saya?" Look at me, my ketumpatan is Jitu mak ....they wont be able to drag me..." and she'll go yap this yap that..yap yap..people can still harm you in many goes on and on....and on. *sigh* hehehe How did I survive all that? I don't know... But my skin is sure is THICK!

That's why home is my cocoon. My private place to lepak with my parents. I choose people whom I can invite for several private reasons. I cannot randomly invite. I need privacy. I don't talk much at home because that's where I derive my Ideas and do my readings. Not many people can understand that. Home is where the Heart is, indeed it is, at least to me. I savor being at home with my parents a lot. I'm used to living alone and independent and I'd like to keep it that way(until I get married la..that's another story.) I do have friends come over, and they are real friends. Friends who knows me inside out, and they never judge me. They take me for who and what I am.


Assalamualaikum bloggie...

I have been feeling sick since morning. I should have that pasta with mint ..instead of egg hamlet for sahur. My mind is congested with so many thoughts. I can't handle it. I almost threw up after supervising 2 project papers this morning. I came to a dead end where I can't even explain what I need and the students ended up confused. "nice".

I asked Mr Fadhli's favor to combine his lecture with mine. Luckily he's there. what would I do without him? Keep on lecturing till vomit loh ...what else...(isnt it..? after all...tak sengaja puasa no batal one hor....) Thank u Mr Fadhli for your kindness..I appreciate it.mucho.

I miss talking to Nor. If you are reading this, I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to talk yet. I'm plunging deep and I don't know where to start my story to you. Headache and annoyance at the same time are making me even miserable. I cried and cried to Him, asking for His Mercy in making me understand and embrace what is going on. To accept it's already there and to work even harder to achieve better results. Try Sha..remember... DO NOT give up ..You did that once..(or twice...) would you wanna be in the same spot again? Think! ..wake UP!! It's all in His Will and Grace. Ask, Seek, Forward..

I can't even focus on my cooking. To make the pasta sauce ..took me forever in the kitchen. I was disorganized. How could that happen? Red sauce was too easy and I can't even remember the ingredients. (what was I thinking ?.....OMG...) When I lost focus in cooking ..that shows my problem is wayyy over the limit and I'm suffocating. Hyperventilating won't do good or justice to me. But that's how I currently am - hyperventilated = not good.

:-( hence all these nauseous feelings ....

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Reality Check

Assalamualaikum bloggie,

I was in the office half of the day, thinking and trying to look at those papers on my table. Checked them. I wanted to do some readings and material seeking. yet I'm numb.
Then came in an sms ..(out of the blue).. saying, " Allah only test those that He loves.. :-) "

The first thing that strucked my mind was "Astaghfirullahala'zim..aku salah sent lagi ke?" then again, I didn't send any sms today except to Nor apologizing to her coz I didn't pick up her call last night. Eventually, I was right. I did not send any wrong messages..again. I decided to answer "mcm tau2 aje..ada sixth sense ka.." that was me ..STILL trying to be jovial in this turmoil..then I received another answer "kdg2 bila ht tu dh dkt, dia blh rasa :-) tmbh ht mu'min" adeh...right on da dot. inside i was ngomel-ling "tau laa....hang sapaaa....." (in a good thought..)

That sms is right. Hati mu'min ..apatahlagi kan? I was left with tears reading that. So many things popped, I just can't hold it. for a second, I felt my privacy was invaded ( i don't get that "scanning" thing used-to yet ...) It feels awkward when you are in your own world and suddenly knock knock, anybody home? I wasn't expecting anyone.. (heee...didnt mean to be rude, really..)

Back to Allah only tests those whom He Loves...Yes ..i agree. it's just that right now I'm trying to absorb into my head....consoling my heart...not to take it too seriously till it affects my work and concentration...I'm in a process....InshaAllah with Allah's Will, He'll help and show me through...Amin...

to the sms-sender, thank you for's kinda nice having your doorbell rang when you are not expecting. though I dislike surprises..I think I can exclude this one. Jazakalllah...

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Assalamualaikum bloggie..

It's swaying away...slowly and will eventually disappear. Felt like yesterday. ('s always like that.....begin..began...begun....begone...hehehe)

My thursday is a bit slow. I'm tired...from everything.

Not really in the mood to write.


Monday, September 8, 2008

Clamping Heart..

Assalamualaikum bloggie ..

I received (yet) another news. Adoi....heartache....(my mum's char kuey teow punya tahana kot ..) iyyeee la tu ..kan ...Heart? only Heart knows what is it all was nothing to begin with ...isnt'it Heart? we knew it all along ....stubborn me usual ...I 'happen' to love the game. so...? so... :D sengal lohhh... ( hahahahahaha) is a game. no need to sulk lohh...

Tn Hj Rosdi lend me this (look up) book "The Way to Patience and Gratitude - 'Uddat as-Sabirin wa Dhakirat ash-Shakirin" by Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyya. ( fuh lenguh nak ngeja....heee jgn marah Tuan Hj.)

I guess I'll be spending my weeks reading and extracting that book, along with Hafiz's and Parenting (credit to Tn Hj Rosdi too..) With the assignment coming up and readings - I should be pretty much occupied. Yes! U-GO-LADY!

Saturday, September 6, 2008


I love Red. It's Romantic, Lovely, Gorgeous, Cute, Daring, Brave and Attractive. I got into a minor "altercation" with Amir Alien over the ym chat just now. It's always argument between the 2 of us. If you're wondering who Amir is ..he's a volunteer staff at SA, currently on his break from his studies from AL AZHAR ( saja bagi credit ..since he's so obnoxiously proud of it.. :p)
This Amir guy is soooo grotesque in most conversation I have had with him. Some times it irritates me a lot having to go through conversation with him. Most of his words and the way he answers is mentally annoying ( he better not read this ..else it'll be another topic for us to argue on hahaha)

The worst part is ..HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW (some) of his ways are ANNOYING! I tried telling him, yet he took it wrongly. He flaunted it even more. So how? I asked him which campus of Azhar he's at, and he answered " if I tell you, would you know where the place is? Have you been there? " Urghh...Mind YOU ..I happen to have International Passport (since I was 6!) which has multiple stamps of countries! are we comparing passports now? urgh....MB...The ONLY stamps I would definitely LOOK UP to is IF you have the stamp to HEAVEN! Syurga ALLAH. hanya ITU yang akan buat this gorjes Cik Sha LOOK UP to u. a human and be nice to others. What is wrong with people these days ....who told you to IM me in the first place...I was being nice..( why would I be kind enough to accept his request ...Semuttttttttttttttttt)

Being nice to others suppose to be innate ability. One doesn't have to brag to live. One should know how to mingle with others without making other people feeling bad. That is not good. Even Islam Prohibits it. Susah lohh ..if too pandai det la become...( dah jadi entry about Alien la plak ni heheheheheh) Why did I call him such? coz he's weird the first time I met him and he kinda freaked me. hehe.

Anyhow Alien, all the best to you in your studies and wish u well in becoming an excellent akhi or da'ie or what ever la they call it in your 'world'...

I'm heading to Hypermart for my second mission. Tuna pastry! and probably eyeing for spaghetti, just incase I got bored with rice over Iftar and Sahur.


Lychee Pudding

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

taddaaaa...macam pudding laici gue ..enak banget...hehehehe..emangnyaa....sapa yang bikininnn...(the photo was taken at other site as I didn't have time to snap coz the pudding already finished hahaha, but thats how it looks like ...)

I'm proud to have succeeded in my lychee pudding project.

Now I'm continuing my project on Puding Tauhu, I retrieved the recipe in MyResepi website. There are plenty of wonderful meals there. Try it out, it's worth it.

However, the lychee pudding of mine was a mixture of and my own idea. It's wicked delicious! bak kata Wanie, "sedap la auntie sha..sedap sangat sangat.." THAT is an honest opinion coming from a 5-year old girl. *fly fly fly...*

Friday, September 5, 2008


Assalamualaikum bloggie....

served me right for sulking! hahahaha I am not able to even sleep well because of it. last night I dreamt of calling Nor and woke her up for sahur ..and guess what wasn't a dream! it was true! OMG, i sleep-calling too! haha that's freaky.

I was in my morning classes half of the day and now I'm holding my loo coz I don't dare to go to the toilet at this hour. It's awfully quiet. To my dismay (ok...surprised....) I bumped into an old acquiantance. She was there, jovial as ever and I was there, pissed as ever when the thought of what she did cross my mind. It's a SMALL world ..again. Of all the places, I HAVE to meet her, here? sengal nyaaaa.... Naymind her, waddaheck ...

I stepped into an empty room ( still holding my loo ...) and it's wicked cold in here. I like. Called up mom ..."Nak beli apa petang ni?" and mum " masak sayur air and beli lauk je ..tok soh rajin beli lauk banyok-banyok lah ..takdok sapo nok makey" there she goes, reminding again and again. I don't know what to have for Iftar today. I ran out of what-to-eat list...not that I am too craving during this ramadhan, it's just that, I gotta eat something right, and I haven't the slightest idea on what to indulge. Can i Not eat? that'd be nice for my 'healthy" tummy. Everyday when I look at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth, my face looks like it's about to explode. I gained weight. Doc Sheikh is gonna kill me for doing so.. I have promised him I should lose some weight and Ramadhan is the best month to practice...( well ...guess what Doc..not happening ..yet...)

thing about me and my weight have been an issue since god knows when. I savor food, that's the problem and when I'm sad. I eat. I am sad. Still Sad. and I eat. haiyoo...

Mr Lim made an example of fattiness juz now ...irkkk...terasa siot ..huhuhu..not his fault. He reminded me of my Malaysian Studies lecturer when I was in Bangi, what was that old man's name..very british-like accent and pompous! hehehe not to mention ...pantang nengok student dahi licin...yang kecut jadi kembang ..hua huah uahuahuah ( kulit dia daaaa....jangan melucah hehehe) My load is piling up and I better use this time to finish it off. I miss my pillow and damnnn.....I can't hold it anymore......

p/s: when u miss someone should tell ...if you tell ? DIE DIE DIE dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Blink Blink

Assalamualaikum ..bloggie..

I just came out from the Academic meeting. I stopped by Students Affair to check out on Semut. She's busy as the mother-bee (hehehe) The Medina group has left for Jeram Mengaji I supposed. SA is always full of men and my Semut. Thing is, Semut is female and going there to say hello or hu-ha with her is a must yet What is slightly 'uncomfortie-bel' is the other three quarter yakni alien, M. Alus and Bapak SA heee :) I used to love hanging around SA to chit chat and hu-ha-eing with Semut. I guess those days are gone ( or probably they got sick and tired over us, hence the replacement of a tougher Bapak mum Semut and I )

Thing with Semut, she'll never be silent regardless who is around (hahaha too bad....) So I stop there once in a while to gegar the room and I'd leave. hohoho...annoying? oh well ..Reality bites...

I hopped the stairs back up and voila! to my surprise, my bicmate's daughter, the ever-so-talkative Wanie is there. Screaming "Happy Birthday Auntie Sha!!" on top of her lungs, I had to pretend I didn't know her surprise (bic, if you're reading this ..sorry haa....hehehehehe) What a tough thing to do. There I was, "eh!! aawwww...thank you girl......." as usual me and my dunno-what-to-do moment. hahahahaha. Above all, it is really cute.. and there's another surprise, a silver box on my desk. I thought it was Wanie's, however it wasn't. I didn't know who was it from. remained anonymous..

Gleaming inside, is a crystal colored, brownish... ( ah ..if only I have a camera to snap on..) later la ..I show u haa.... the pokoknya is I LOVE IT.

Dunno who is it from. BUT if you happen to read this entry, thank you very much. I like it a lot. So sweet of you.....if only I could give you a hug.....big huggggg........

Thank you ....thank you all for your kind thoughts...I cherish it ..May Allah bless ya'll with many more wonderful moments to come...Amin..

Says who I can't celebrate life? See... Allah is The Greatest of All.....Absolutely!

Happy Birthday

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

Happy Birthday! it's virgonian moment! a three one moment ...what was it like ? huh ...nothing....i should be a year wiser... SHOULD... (hahahahaha)

May you find WHO and WHAT you're looking for .. Amin..

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Assalamualaikum bloggie..

I feel slightly mellow today. I shouldn't have fallen asleep after Subuh, else this is the impact. I got tired. I do not feel like talking to people today as I am lethargic. Looking things and people around me making me dizzy and wanna puke (seriously!)

I lost my appetite (ironically..) Ustaz Mahamad (my favorite ustaz here) left for Umrah today. I was almost in tears knowing he's leaving. He is a kind father-figure to me. He came upstairs JUST to see me and wish goodbye, softened my heart..( always the melodramatic one...) May Ustaz and his family have a blissful 'umrah..Amin..

Me? I'm still here. Contented and lethargic.. People? Don't feel like it..they have always been okay ....Why do I bother? exactly...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Ramadhan : Day Two

Assalamualaikum ..bloggie..

Ramadhan Mubarak! Day 2 is quite exhausted for me and Shikin because both of us are the avid fan of toilet this morning. She took a day off..and Me? i Had to be in the office. I have presentations and papers to supervise. whoaaaa....However, knowing that my Lychee Pudding is waiting for me for Iftar...soothes all... he he he he .... it's an accomplishment indeed.

I'm contented..for some reasons.