Crossroads

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

hmmm...when Shakespeare came up with "To be or not To be..That is the question" I took as the words of play...

Now...I'm in that Words....I'm in that Play ...

It's suffocating...

I wish I can scream to the world and let the sound swallows me in. I wish to be somewhere else....

I wish of not here ...at this moment....

I wish of somewhere far....

I wish I can just Cry and Not Listen...

I wish I don't have to be making all these wishes...

Have I taken the road not taken? Has it made all the difference ..?

Aigh ....I do not even Have or See the Answer...

PUPUS

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
I was up till 3am last nite. In the midst of completing my paper I got hooked up to Dewa 19 at Astro. huhu...

The lyrics just hit me....
at 230 am...oighh...melancholic...

###############################

Aku tak mengerti
Apa yang ku rasa
Rindu yang tak pernah
Begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu
Aku persembahkan hidupku untukmu
Telah kurelakan hatiku padamu
Namun kau masih bisu
Diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara
Baru ku sadari
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku
Semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku
Semoga akan datang keajaiban
Hingga akhirnya kau pun mau
Aku mencintaimu..Lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu...

################################

Hurt

Assalamualaikum bloggie..
I thought I could wait from pouring out my heart, but despite the loads I'm having, I totally have forgotten that THIS is my medium to write whatever I feel and whatever I want. I was in my class yesterday when Aisha my colleague sms-ed me and said someone was looking for me. My mentor. A person whom I have a big look up to, eversince I work here. I forbid aisha to not give my new number because he already has it. Why is he STILL asking for my number? I'm already hurt by what Fadhli did to me and now him? What is sooo dead wrong with me until people love hurting me time to time?

I am down with my own thoughts. Why is it when others are doing it on purpose they got praises and compliments in the end? Why God ? Why..again...why me?
I'm not talking intimacy here. This is WORK. I have my utmost respect to my mentor when he listens fairly. Now on his birthday and on that i-know-who's wedding, he appeared. Is it being purposely done? does she want to tell me she wins? BS. Why is she showing it off to me? She can take it for all she wants! but having it on his birthday ..that's just IT. U BITCH!

I want to scream badly now. Really bad.

Headache..

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

My dateline is approaching fast. I only have 1 week more. aighh..the hari raya event also coming up this thursday; 1 day before the submission date. I DIE!

huwaaarrgghhh I don't know how am i coping up. One thing is for sure I am clearing my afternoons and nights schedule TO WORK. Expect my hiatus and please miss me coz I know I'll be missing you. awwwww...yucks...hihihi...

catch ya around ..somewhere ..Next month!

ciao bloggie..

The Curer of Hearts

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

aigghh...having to go through what I went through today somehow brought me back to Mars. Almost ....quite la....there is a similarity to the past. To complete the existence of being is not easy, let alone to find the puzzle that is somewhat close yet so far, and sometimes unreachable. Bloated of emotions ..beyond doubt. hehe...I think that way. Crossing roads and curing wounds are (ironically) subdued.

It's somewhat disheartening to be in the situation when you know things or situation will change. It won't bother to ask you whether you approve the bidding. It will eventually vanish...and by then you will realize ...it crunches your heart, bleeds tears inside and consequently the warmth presence turns evil cold...shatters to pieces, leaving you behind collecting it all by yourself..alone and turning that time to a fleet is just ..reluctantly agonizing.

"You are the doctor,the curer of hearts. You took my sorrows and shone your light upon them,that they may flee and I be free..You have touched my heart and made it beat."-Bunny to his Precious Sunshine, Me.

I was watching a movie last nite and it was very much depicted my story with Bunny. It ached inside seeing movies after movies being made somewhat similar to my past. I told Pek about it. My text to her was " I don't know what should I respond upon seeing all these movies, should I cry ? should I be excited?" 'Coz honestly I do not know how to react. I have -died. I promised Bunny I won't die because of Love and I should trust Allah's Will and keep Following Him. Bunny is right. However, he never get to know his Box of Sunshine has died. Failing to keep her promise to him. I am the Curer of Heart and I cannot die. Yet, what have I done to myself? Forgetting you is not easy. Ya Allah..tabahkan lah hati hambaMu yang hina ini..........

..............................

Cameron Highland and Its Journey

Assalamualaikum bloggie..
I spent my weekend at CH with family and close friends. It was a worthwhile trip. Although I wish it had been longer than weekend, I had to return to my classes and assignments. The pleasant journey I have had was something to remember for long. We left home at 10am and by noon I was already at the foot of the highland. Coming from Gua Musang is actually much better than Tapah. The road was wider and the sceneries were simply amazing. It was breathtaking and I had to convince my mother that it was safe for us to stop by (so I can snap photos hehehe).

Mother was excited and worried at the same time because our car was the only (ONLY) car on the road from GM to CH. I really enjoy the drive. First we were greeted by the land and wet amosphere, later the aboriginal settlements and stinkbeans (petai) trees ushered us through, and immediately after that we were a quarter away from on top of the world! MasyaAllah, the view was impeccable. By that I was accelerating at 30-40 km/h. Imagine how snaily I was.

We past through Pos Brooke, another settlement area for the aborigines. The next thing we knew when we looked out the window, we can LITERALLY touch!!! the tip of the tree. OH MY GOSH! I was screaming and squeaking in astonishment. My mother had to stop me. Who'd ever thought? me!!?? I'M IN THE CLOUDS!!! Upon reaching Lojing, I was in CLOUD NINE! There were no images of trees AT ALL. My mother and I were in "heaven" - well, for a second, that's how we felt. There were no greens surrounding us. Simply white, simply clouds and fogs. My mother praises God and Chants silently in awe and Gratefulness... what was I doing? (heee....I didn't manage to snap photo IN the cloud) because mother STRICTLY prohibited me from stopping in that steep road. She was scared and excited, I presume. I was "oh my God...cantik nyaa...lawo nyaa...alaa....lawonyaaa... BUT ..since she's the orang tua in the car, I had to abide. Words of A MOTHER are damn MIGHTIER than any swords in this World - trust me.

Bicmate and family were far ahead by God-knows-how-many-kilos. They waited for us in Tringkap. The minute I crossed the border of Lojing -Cameron, I got squeaky again and as usual My Mother couldn't understand how this dotter of hers was sooo excited. The minute I saw the gigantic uber-RED-licious strawberry right in the midst of the border, I was in Cameron BABY! Blue Valley is the first area we passed and Mother was frantically crazy by now. She saw vege plantationS!!! She CAN get excited...but not me...haiyooo so cruel. She is just vege-lover I'd say. and NO...I didn't stop to take those photos at the plantation ..BECAUSE, it looked like the shades of a scary alien movie I saw when I was young. Scary maa...the alien looked like honey dew, enter your body and branak pinak in your stomach ...oiiighhhhvyy...yeeekkkkkkkkk...what a horrible scene..considering I was only in Primary 3 then. (NEXT!) Finally, we crossed Kg Raja and straight to Tringkap where Esi and her family were waiting. MY mother stepped out before I could even unlock the door automatically, and headed straight to those stalls alongside the road and indulged herself in...THIS!

I thought it'd be as sweet as what I had in Mars. To my dismay, it WASN'T. When people speak highly of CH fruit bearing, I thought it'd be the same, well I guess, geographically and land fertility-wise...they aren't the same. Oh well...doesn't matter. I am here. With family and friends, what more do I want? I have L.O.V.E. (truth is, I converted those not-so-sweet strawberries into wicked -smashin' smoothie! and who says you can't enjoy Life when you are not at its best? hehee...I just LOVE myself)

and How did I lavishly spoil myself in Cameron? tadhaaaaaaaaaa....

What can be better than wicked steamy, creamy, X-tra foamy hot Cafe Latte & Cappucino served with blueberry danish and chicken pie from Starbucks. I was really into IT, till I forgot to snap a shot on the delicacies when it was first served. (i was starving and cold hehehehe) My starbucks coffee moment with Mom and Nor was unforgettable. It was a special momento for me...really...it touched and what better way would you spend good moments other than with a woman who gave birth to you and your confidante? Ayah didn't come with us, that's the only person I missed at that time. :)

What I learned from this trip is that, when you share it with most important circle of people in your life it spiced up everything. It means a lot. I wish Oja, Pa'ah, mct, Sinoun, Pet, Sokna, Sopheaktra, Bella, Virginia and few other good friends of mine can be there, but they all have their obligations..and it will remain a wish of mine until The Day come for me to meet up with them.

Below are SOME of the photos taken in CH.

It was a journey full of hope, friendship, love, faith and wisdom. Thank you ya'll for sharing it with Me :)



and with THIS best shot I have ever taken, I wrapped my CH trip with a promise - I'LL BE BACK! (hehehehe)

Flower Girl

Assalamualaikum bloggie...
I spent my weekend at Cameron Highland last week. It was fun. Believe it or not I didn't have time to snap photos of CH perse, as I was busy enjoying the scenary and vege-shopping with my mother. hehehehehe. Although I DID manage to snap a few un-significant ones...here goes...

The TM Apartment where we stayed.

I can't put up more. The add image thingy is not working ...huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

True Love

Assalamualaikum bloggie..
I suddenly reminisce. Looking back on June 10th 2000 at Sweetster Park. hmmm.....

apsal la aku mellow sangat nie.....

Aidilfitri Bloat-ness

Assalamualaikum bloggie..
Hari Raya is over, but the celebration is still on. Today we had Eid Potluck in the office. I brought my Chocolate Fudge dabomb. I'm glad everybody liked it. I feel a bit edgy this week. My work routine is undercontrolled, my research is stucked and my dateline is SOON! Few of my underrated students are giving me headache of my life. Stories of encouragement is like a deafening tone to their ears. I spoke to them the truth in lecture today. What do they want to become and what can they become within this short term based on the rate they're going. It's pathetic. It's heart wrenching to see my Anak Bangsa is deteriorating. It also requires efforts and patience. Too much I'd say till I do not know how much longer can I withstand.

haiii....letih nya...i'm still lethargic from eid's cookout and hangouts. Makan kek skepink tadi pun ..buat haku rasa nak pengsan....too heavy...hahahahahhaah


anyhow ...cameron I am cominggggggggggggg...

Eid as I see ..

Assalamualaikum ..bloggie..

finally, I managed to get an answer on how my eid is gonna be like. huhu..Alhamdulillah...it didn't turn out as I expected it ..but it wasn't a failure. It went smooth. Somehow it is a blessing.

I spent 2 days ..enjoying my bibik-work. But guess what? On the 1st day, at 7pm, there I was enjoying McFlurry Berriez in town. I called it ..rewarding myself. after one day of 'slavery'. and the 2nd day I spent (yet again) entertaining my so called Relatives (haha...they're bacccckkk..) this time it's no longer the " eh lamanya tak jumpa..." it's the "uh uh uh....tak cam tadi...bakpo BESAR TERLAJOK lo ni..." adehh...it's my fat...what has it got to do with you? oigh....I gotta smile hypocritically and pretended I didnt hear all those remarks about my F.A.T. Miraculously, I wasn't tempered by that, I just made silly faces and drank up rootbeer and get back to my Astro ( after serving them of tosh....oighh....maid bertauliah!)

3rd day I spent at a Wedding! Kamariah Abdullah Al Amudi's family. Big family with gorgeous Sheikh-handsome looking faces around (seriously! I almost drool...) There is indeed a blessing when I didn't bring a camera to snap on coz I'd be drooling over those HUNKS! hehehe ...macam desperado la plak kan....what to do ..dah memang dorang ..sedap di pandang dan di puja..hahahaha
Good news is Kam is pregnant. aighh...rezeki pelamin nampak nya...they've had their Akad coupla months back. The food was ..okay ..I guess.. the gulai kawah I had at Hilal was the best so far. I like watching her wedding dress..nicely done. kudos Mrs Mohammad, may yours will be as beautiful as you have wanted it to be...

4th day of Eid, I had my morning retreat at home with Lah my ex schoolmate. She came in with her daughter and sisters. cooked a bit...and laughed too much. it was splendid. In the afternoon, I was dying to go out and melaram with my Red Baju kurung ..splendid...brought chocolate fudge to a colleague's house invitation. then off to another kenduri..THEN, off to see Pek and makan-makan at Nakhoda's. Nice lychee drink. Yummy...it was bulats..macam I hehe.

After that, where else...to the Mall!!! aiyak..lamai olang..so crowded with people, we opted for Tesco instead since I knew the space is a lot bigger and nicer. We ended up shopping and paint the town red after that. That's how my eid was like. all in all, not bad..I like it..not too much ..not too painful....mild and organized (somehow...)

I am soo looking forward Cameron Highland this weekend..InshaAllah...Moga-moga perancangan ini berjalan dengan lancar....