How far can A person Lie?

Not far enough ....hrrmm....

btw, Assalamualaikum bloggie...

As am waiting to go photo-shooting with Nor ..I feel like checkin' wofsha and several sites. Allah Willing, yesterday I spent coupla hours browsing..blog-hopping (macam Fliffy ittew...hehehe I dah terikut2 en_me ni...oh tidak...hehehe credit to en_me *winks*) I stopped and read severals...and it passed thru my mind ...bla bla bla....Last night ..I mimpi ..en_me marah2 I...he said ..murah la shopping kat kB!! *lol* oighhh....sampai termimpi haku dibuatnye hahahahahaha...i woke up smiling like wahliaoo..crayzee la drim laik dis...very der...hak hak ...

and....am checking few blogs now ...THEN...CHAK!CHAK! spotted a lie from a friend..or should I say acquaintant? whatever... why can't u tell me the truth ...aiiihhh....spoiling my mood for photo snapping jer...Allah Izin, it laid upon my eyes...as am writing this..I blur...don't know what to say...rasa bengang pun ada ...Tapi...itu tidak significant sangat in my Life...cuma ...I admitted I did feel irritated...and forget je lah kan? Yeah Sha...Trust is a matter of Time and.....obviously That Person doesn't have it...

Last day of Gregorian's. Tomorrow is the First. In this state, it's a Working day. We do not observe New Year as PH. Oh..well ..doesnt make much different anyway...am back to pen & papers. Fish is returning....oh yeah Pa...and Nor will resume office by Monday..Bojan...is dreaming of her Mr Right..and Ah-Beng intrusion hahaha...Bic's back by 4th and me? I'm gonna have a Wonder-licious 2009! rawk on!

Currently listening to: Rammstein

sms came in - " weh ..aku tunggu kat town..po skalo...OTW" I gotta make a move! c ya!

Cats & Dogs

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

It's been raining since 3 days ago. haiyoo....what to do ..takdir ..I went in to fetch couple faxes for Nor. Had my lunch at the cafe alone and later joined by Miss K. Breakin news for me, Miss K is leaving soon. huwaaaa....my hu-ha partner in the office is ..GONE. Better offer. I'm losing friend on new year...what to do ..takdir ....

Bic called to visit Godzy who just delivered her baby girl - 3kg on Dec 28th morning. We decided to give her a chak!chak! visit on Thursday the 1st. Then, an sms came in to my Maxis...from Azwan Ali. (wah! ..amboi..amboi amboii...tak habis2 promo suh nengok Amboi3x @ Prima) iyer Bang Wan ..diksha dah nengok...keless ...vogue de vazz...

So now? whereto? Prosperity Burger!

Happy Maal Hijrah 1430H

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

Happy New Year to all Muslims. I was a bit lazy today. was up quite early on non working day...preparing breakfast and the rain just keep pouring. I took a drive along the Kelantan River, man...the water is wicked 'teh beng' type....I guess the second batch of flood is coming. the town is packed. again. I don't understand what is so special about Kota Bharu till people LOVE swarming around this region. Non Kelantanese are stuffing their cars with God-knows-What...what makes them think it's Cheap here? Sheesh....wake up people ...it costs aplenty!

A friend of mine had to fix her Lexus for 3 grand. ya know what she did? driving thru a pool of water... flooding area. somehow the water intersected the system and there she was ..signing her chequebook for 3K. I don't think it's worth it. some more ppl coming shopping at this time of year...aiyo...the rain..the flash-floods cum air longkang pasar katijah ....oighh....I dont think it's worth to shop and having to fix your car too.. na'ah...

Meanwhile, I'm nagging because I need to go to The Bank..and was stucked in traffic. cum'on u people this is kb ..not Jalan TAR for heaven's sake...I managed to get to the bank and thought of grabbing a bite @ McDonalds - changed my Mind ..after this Mak Datin wannabes knocked me off in MyLove bakery and snobbishly said "oh soowwRRee" - just because am in my khakis and pink crocs. I really wanna curse her big time..when I remembered..."sha ..Maal Hijrah..Holy Day ..give it a break will ya".....I just paid for my cheese bread n canz ..and ..drove off. Honestly Pa, dalam kepala aku did come up with all the P words ...hehehe...do I have to freakin' dress up to go to the bank?(not to mention Cash deposit machine?) Hell No!

Some people CAN be annoying eventhough they are OLD or thinking that they are young. I despise this type. AND I LOVE MY PINKY CROCS! period.

"Fishing Legs"

Assalamualaikum bloggie....

I'm so frikkin' excited!!! I found "leggers" friends (finally!!!) Somehow I got really squeaky and thinking of getting a new rod. I'm an amateur but I enjoy fishing so much. I haven't done this in years due to work and NO ONE wants to join me. I tried fishing ala zaman batu with xell before at LKIM, failed. Our gadjets weren't enough for that type of fishing. Therefore I wanna try ..again. I'm sure it will be fun!

Seronoks nyaa.....

Will He Make it?

Assalamualaikum bloggie.....sawadikaaap...

Let's take a look at what's going on in the World towards the end of 2008. H.E Abhisit Vejjajiva; Thailand's Newly Elected Prime Minister (cair...cair....untung nye bini dia...hehehe isn't he gorgeous?)

Abhisit Vejjajiva

born: 3/8/1964 @Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England

Education

Chulalongkorn University's Demonstration School

Scaitcliffe School

Eton College (mak aii....)

Tertiary

St John's College, Oxford

BA in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (triple major seii...)

MA in Economics

LLB from Ramkhamhaeng University

Married with 2 children :)

fondly known as Mark Vej among friends, his impeccable biography seems almost-perfect (look too..dontcha think?hehe). An image that is craved by many women :). Been an avid politician since 2005, Abhisit is currently looking at a huge titanic in open land. Will he able to manifest what was said? We shall see...

However, his first reaction as PM by sending those mass-smses to Thai phone users is hard-to-be-applaud. Asking people to help you solve the country's crisis? What have all of u PMs been doing all these whiles? and the thais were even charged 3.00B for every replied smses. I'm no math genius, but dude...That is a not-so-genius start.....

Nevertheless, no matter how damn gorgeous, brilliant, cute and poised u r to me, the people of Thailand need your help Abhi (cewahh..manja jee..) It might take times, but as long as you work things out for those in the South especially and help the needy mid-lower class people Then you can prove that good look (and brain) DO worth to be elected for.

Good Luck Thailand!

Personal Vs Privacy

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

I kinda notice a few days back, there was this blogger from sabah political ally hung around my coccoon. At first, I was a bit annoyed 'coz I have this so called I-dont-know-u-so-butt-out policy. Then, his blog followed mine...aiggh...would you care to say hello or something Mr? No offense but you are rude Mr who-ever-u-are. additionally, i checked his "followed" list ...almost everyone in blogger.com. ni makhluk asing jenis mana plak ni ....and today ..he's Gone. kabish! sesuka hati mak-nenek-bapak-tiri-laki-bini-pak metua-mak sedara tiri-bini-dia jeee nyeboks.

At least en_me is a gentleman, for having said hello...thank you en_me. For ya'll's info, my writing is merely personal and shareable with anyone who feels like it. Though I mostly write in my Personal Journal previously, I do appreciate those new people who want to befriend, everyone is more than welcomed to my cocoon (blog writing these days is more or less Liberalized). After all, sharing is Loving and Lovingkindness Among us Human is much sought after in this chaotic World..I loike..*glowey lovey-dovey*

Tomorrow is Muharram! Happy New Year Muslims!! all-around-the World I wish Thee a Blossoming 1430H :] (suka...)

To reward myself I've planned to cook Lunch! probably invite few friends around and closed family members. I'm excited! and tersenyum sendiri.

May be this Regina Belle's music consoling me....I don't know, I just Feel It...

I have no Regrets for all the things in 2008. (oh ..okay ..may be there's 1, I couldn't stop The Wedding?) hahahaha...I believe in Kun Fayakun ...and that was just-a-joke-tho-I-sorta-Wish-too! *lol*

Memories, we shall Re-Live Forever...it's True [in a way..] Oh My God (SWT) I just can't wait for New Year...new beginning...new air....renewed Spirits like the Spring...when the Life is breathing its New Air and Blooming again.....with Hopes and Colors.

My Best-Cousin's Wedding - Nov 1, 2008

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

I knew it's quite late to post this :) sorry couzies...Now that I have the time...so here it goes...I had a blast at the wedding. Met lotsa wonderful people ...the kakak andams ..were Superb! they're simply amazing and adik Sha suka sangat you people ..rawk! Emi's boss and friends are wonderful ..beautiful people. I felt almost-home. Though I was really ..tired ..arriving that morning and having to rush back to kb that night...thank you Najmi for driving me over..you're such an angel! muahs! THE FOOD? am telling you ..it was AWSOME! uber-delicious Uncle Syed. KUDOS. All in all, I had a good time, all the best in your married life Kak Emi and Abg Jo. Can't wait for Jo & Emi juniors! hehehehehe ... I Love all of you and Thank you God for Bestowing me these cool couzies. And without further a due ....let's shushee-mata....

CONGRATULATIONS TO MR. AND MRS. JOAIDIP

MRS. JOAIDIP & BEST FRIEND

She is cool! and Emi's boss is just another wonderful, bubbly people there. I love being surrounded by great Humans. They're simply A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

MRS. JOAIDIP TO-BE

An hour before the Akad. Cantik. The wedding paraphernalia are silver and gold themed.

Melting...melting...melted... hahaha I'm just pathethic romantic, aren't I?

THE MOMENT EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR ... AKU TERIMA NIKAHNYA...

huu....I was touched. The wordings were so Indah ...and as usual ..I melted behind the lense...

The Journey of Impian Bahagia of a Woman ...begins

THE KISS

Till Death Do Us Part...

THE ANGELS

Wonderful Couzies. Did I mention how good the Food was? Yeah...May we get the chance of hooking ups again and hu-ha as always. Stay wonderful, bubbly and Great!

je te aime

no more weddings.... =) the more u attend ...the more u wanna have One! ha ha ha ..

Summer "Solstice"

apa kebendenya tetiba pop out on my screen nie....hish... (closed!)

btw, Assalamualaikum bloggie....

I slept a-wee-bit early last night..around 8pm..haha ..guess what, not doing much things around somehow making me exhausted ....(tak suka.....) Then ..I woke up at 930pm (of the same night..)finding myself ..flipping thru channels of the idiot box...hehee ..Earlier, when I was about to leave office ...toot...toot..."Oja Calling" hohoho bojan ...musti ada setori ni ..."weiii...ni xiao shenma"...."banyak la ko" hahahahah dah kena ngan bojan ..served me right..actually she is not a Bohjan as the regular definition goes, She's my best friend since gazillion years ago..Oja; fondly known of. we always have nicknames among friends...oh ..oh ..btw, she's in lurveee....[masakkk haku klu dia baca nie....keh keh keh] And as 2 bestfriends were yapping ...takkan le nak melangut kat parking lot...so there I was driving and gayut-ing on the phone! hohoho Sorry H, I knew how u often advise me " Sms and talking on the phone while driving are bad for Health" - Bite me :- that's my irritating answer to....pretty much everyone ..(except my Ayah :] ) Don't worry, I don't do that during hi-traffic time or busy roads. Tapi, if nak jadi ...kena jugak aku one day ni ..he he he he ...I'll try to remember harder next time...

Anyway, back to the woken up by 930pm of the same night.. I opted for Criminal Minds on 8tv and my Journal...I found ...this....hrrmm....

what a serendipitious surprise...sweet....and soothing....*sigh..* do I have to be so gooey romantic...? he he ..I was smiling the whole night...probably in my sleep too! I love constellation and sky/stargazing at night has always been a passion. Only, I rarely do it now ...due tu ..several known reasons...(of which some you might now ..Or ..Not... *grins*)

Hootie & the Blowfish juz makes my Day...I could spend hours and hours of fishing and listening to music...in this mode...getting a bite (or not..) was fun ... I merely wanna have some laidback time for myself and enjoying the sceneries. What I normally do when I'm fishing ..is ..SING! hahaha ...I surely scared the fishes away-lah ...I remember Tony once made a remark .."Girl ..if you're gonna do THAT, we should just stay home! you're chasin' 'em away!" ha ha ha ...Well Tony ... deal with it! - The Beauty of Annoyance *lol*

Night skies keep me vibrant. The finding above was written in 2000. A friend of mine, Mina T. invited me over to this planetarium (some sort of research center..) and there was this gigantic high magnification telescope. I could probably view Mars! I did better...I got to view the farthest place I wanna be (gara-gara Superman la ni ..ala masa Clark Kent proposed to Lois Lane tuuuu..tahyul amat hahahaha) - The Moon. It was ...UBER-gorjes! Damn beautiful! Little did I know ..stars have colors! SubhanAllah...melopong aku ...Yang Maha Cantik ..Maha Indah ...I see doubled stars and shooting meteors...I swear if my feet didn't touch the ground at that time ...I could've been in space!

Alas, I enjoy my sleep towards the end of 2008. Memories are meant to be cherished...not Forgotten.....Memories reflect Smiles and Fondness...They Stay Mesmerize....and accompany you Stronger....Forward....

Currently Listening to : Hootie & The Blowfish's Sad Caper

Breathe Again -J.Suwito

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

I have heard this song ..quite a while ago...then ..recently ..it hit my screen again ...whoaa...kene batang-idung-again kinda song ... Written by Juwita Suwito..that girl is really gifted...I wicked love listening to her piano version...it is so beautiful...so deep...and again brought me back to the memory lane when I found Love. haishh...so mellow la pulak ...anyhow ..I wanna share this ..

Have u wondered how it feels when it’s all over

Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew

Never knowing where you’re going

When u face the brand new day

And it used to be that way

Now I just closed my eyes and say

I just wanna breathe again

Learn to face the joy and pain

Discover how to laugh a little

Cry a little

Live a little more

I just wanna face the day

Forget about the wars of yesterday

Maybe if I hope a little

Try a little more

I’ll breathe again Breath Again

Starting out again it’s never easy

Disappointments come and go

But life still moves on

With the bit of luck

It’s a brand new start

That might just work my way

No need to walk away

Don’t wanna live a life’s replay

Things would work out fine

If you can’t find the courage to look past the night

To see the break of dawn..

*******************************************************************

It's like the whole life of mine is wrapped in those words. I was lazying around these past few days as I'm heading towards my year-end mode cuti-cuti. There's not much prep to be done and too much time to leisurely spent :) Sitting aimlessly making me reminisce a lot. IF i have a guitar or damn good in piano..would have re-recorded this song. my voice ..my soul...The fun with chords and notes, brought me back to Vir and Bella. How we all used to sing acapella and enjoyed arranging songs. I miss that time soo much ..the friendship..the laughter...and the joy were solely Ours. I still remember "Cantik" and now it's being sung by some group makin' it sound hip hoppy and god-knows what and calling it Chantique ..or something like it ...oigh...it wasnt as beautiful as ..back then....hahahaha (macam bagus punya statement ha ha ha )

I had a Liqa session today. We talked mostly on HablunminAllah and HablunMinannas..Relationship with the Raab-Al-Amin..during the session, the thoughts ..of friends before and now linger in my mind...with the Blessing of Him ..I get to meet all of them....Shukur Amat. Suddenly the Naqibah uttered the phrase Blessing in Disguise....tersengih sorang aku ...teringat kat Naz or PineApple...The Only PineApple I know anyway ..hahaha ...Life is full of Blessings ....these days ...it's only the matter of how we see and embrace it. I am so thankful with so many things in Life. People, things, moments and situations ...have been miraculous lately. Not that before I didn't come across any, Perhaps I didn't "see".

Keeping myself busy is the ultimate goal in 2009. In fact by the first week of January, I should be fully occupied with work. That is the only way for me to keep on going...forward. I have received the full working calendar (1st & 2nd qtr) yesterday and I'm okay with whatever laid upon. Does anyone out there wanna share their resolution? Feel free to scribble here. and No Pa ..kurus jatuh di tangga ke dua tahun ini ...hahahaha Numero Uno would be better work performance n research! yeyeahhhhh.....

To friends and human nation : May we all head up to a prosperous and peaceful World. Aja!!!

Farewell 2008

Assalamualaikum bloggie ..

em haiyya maa...in less than 2 weeks ..we will meet 2009. MasyaAllah ..cepatnya masa berlalu. It has been almost 10 years. How did that happen? Time can really fly. I'll be off from work starting on the 28th noon. I don't think fishing is the best option now. I was thinking of spring clean my room heee...yang dah jadi mcm kedai buku terpakai tu ..and KP has been yapping and yapping ...( I can understand SOME people may not like books ...and papers...why can't they just accept the fact that I loooooove books and papers ....and messing them around! hahahahaha) I enjoy messing my stuffs around. That's what you get when living single. ha ha ha tossing is your middle name (some people je la ...I knew a few uber neat persons..) I'll be having problem to adjust myself when I get married (If I Ever ...la kan ...hehe) Anyhow, that should be an experience that people like me will look forward to (...really...)



7 reasons why I love messing around with books and papers in MY ROOM.

1. I enjoy reading in bed (...served me right.....am sure many of you know why)

2. When I stack them properly, it looks much better ..messed! hahaha

3. Sometimes when I think of something spontaneous, I just need to write or grab a reference; inpromptu.

4. Easy for me to do any cross-reference : information-wise (am sleeping alone....what do you expect? hahahahaha)

5. Books put me to sleep when am tired, However if it's Grisham, I can be awake all night! (pity my hubby la kan .....BUT ain't got any ...so...SAVED! hehehe)

6. Plain simple mess, just make me look busy and occupied so that I don't have to run errand :)

7. When you're single, working and Islam...what/who else can you sleep with anyways? besides pillows and blanket....duhhhhhh......

I always picturize myself when I have the-significant-other responsibilities, sheesshh....how would I look like? yeekkkk.... Miss K, was telling me earlier on, about adopting a baby. Nice thoughts....but ...(dunno la.....sometimes terfikir ...why not? cewahh....as IF.....) Having 2 god-daughters myself somewhat educated me much on being a mother. when the 2 of them were babies, it was fun. Holding and pampering them. Now, Putri and Shanti all grown ups. Probably in the first grades already. How times have flown. The 2 of them really melted me back then. I was cringed on being a mother...Now ....scary man ....R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.I.E.S are not something you can toy with..

Should 2009 be a year of Seeking and Nursing? What say you?

Last day of JK-ing

Assalamualaikum bloggiee...

Alhamdulillahhhhhhhhhh...FINALLY it is O.V.E.R Done and finished. whoaaa....what a boring week. Struggling with duties, work and personals. They are MOSTLY annoying, boring and Tak Sukaaa...probably my mense had influenced it a lot. I was pouty half of the morning today as I got to wrap up that darn things ALONE. Then Bic came in later on to help, though she doesnt have to because it wasnt her working day today. I dont feel like doing it at all.....I guess Celia Green is right when she said "That society exists to frustrate the individual may be seen from its attitude to work. It is only morally acceptable if you dont want to do it. If you want to, it becomes a personal pleasure." - Damn right. I don't normally whine when I enjoy doing it.


Now..where is that Annual Leave form of mine....hmmmm....are u thinking what I'm thinking? yeahhhhh.....Cuti and Fishing! Let's take the last week of December off...after all it's Christmas and Awal Muharram. I'll be missing my Christian friends dearly 'tis season. Furthermore, I'm taking 30 & 31 off to commemorate our Awal Muharram. (ada orang gi fishing ke time muharram...sengal nye aku ...) Well, staying home and baking that chocolate souffle could be fun too.... [ idea! ]


Since Christmas is juz around the corner I'd like to take the opportunity to Wish Virginia, Isabel, Sokna, Cherng, Petra, Hengky, Ferdy, Sarah, Trisha and hubby, Joyce, Beth and Jack - A Very Merry White Christmas and I miss all of you very much! xoxo hugs and kisses from me.




It's wonderful to think of the times we have spent with our friends in Life. They have been our laughters and tears. Friends come and go. Life forwards come what may... Along the way, we will stumble upon many faces of friendships, some may even get lucky to discover their other-halves and some may still be looking and wandering alone ....When Susan Hale said " Love all the people you can. The sufferings from love are not to be compared to the sorrows of loneliness" she really meant it how being alone is immesurable. Sometimes, I wonder how on earth did Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath, Emily Bronte or even Marie Curie dealt with Life prior to their Deaths...

Suffering is one of the ways of knowing you're alive..

Make sense huh? : )

As I'm writing this, a colleague stopped by. I don't know what to say to him. He greeted his Salam. And I answered mine. I was hurt by what he said to me weeks ago. I'm disappointed by what he did because he's young and he should have confronted me properly. He is a nice co-worker, pious and has a lot to learn in life. Me? I am not ready to talk yet because I've had better days than today. I'm not really in a mood to talk. I just wanna write and be in my own little world- temporarily.

It is all right to say exactly what you think, if you have learned to think exactly.

Lackadaisical

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

I'm so tired. I can't sleep much at night coz I'm probably imsoniac. I opted for idiot-box la instead. Then I'll be sleeping late..very late...and Morning to work is like ..aiyyoo...slam-dunked into the bed. I don't even know why my eyes are so lazy to go to be early these days. It's like ..BAM! next thing I know I don't want to go to bed by 11pm. haaaaa...it's a break for them but the internal program has just started....[one after another...when will I lose weight anyway will all these loads?] it's not even in the mid, I'm already lethargic. So many things at hand and in my brain till I do not know which to pick first. Aiyo ...why la life so unkind to me....

That dentist moment really pinned me down. I am not even in the mood to enjoy my last days of 2008. Haiii...another year older ...*sigh...*

Coupla days ago, a few chatfriends from yahoo appeared ..out of nowhere. Mat_race501 and Vernenaz. Today, another one followed suit - tum_yam2002. Sheesh....freaky..where did these people come from? It was a surprised and I'd say not bad la. I haven't chatted with them for ages. Those days they're like bosom buddies, talking to wee hours ..laughing ...ngarut ngabey ...hu ha..as if TMnet tu bapak memasing punya ...haha. Eversince Xell and I retired, I moved on ...and it didnt cross my mind at all to 'bump' into them again in 2008. Isn't that something.... both mat and vern were babies when they chatted to us. now they're all grown up working and having a blast in their own world. tum_yam attached to Celcom. What a long ..gone...ahahaha anyhow, it's good to know there're still 'friends' who wanted to acquaint. Not all human are evil ... 'aite vern? or should I say ..nenaz :-) I didn't even realize I call u a 'pineapple'. huhu... and then I discovered nenaz's name ...Najib...wah..glam banget...mcm TPM...thanks for allowing me to nag in your wordpress. I wonder where is matrace. Tumyam disappeared before I could finish the chat. I was busy and the server was giving me headache. Yet I cherish the good thoughts they have by keeping in touch with me.

Thank you beautiful people.

The server Keeps disconnecting and our techie is nowhere to be found. Nak jadi techie sangat..tapi slalu hilang..eiii....nak sepak pun budak baik ... [WALAUPUN...............]

I'm waiting for the keys, sleepy and lethargic. Lapar pun ada. Served me right. I'm thinking of grilled cheese tuna and ...Fish. aisshh...astaghfirullahal a'zeeemmm.....

Tooth Fairy Sucks

Assalamualaikum bloggie..why on earth my font is damn big ...or is it my eyes that getting too small?

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE DENTIST! urghhh.....no offense, they are mostly good looking (males laaaa) but why must they be so cruel. Gazillion years ago I had gone through a malicious experience with female dentist at ZS, and whaddayaknow...I walked into a female dentist AGAIN this morning and She SUCKS big time. ARghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...what is sooo wrong with my Luck these days I have no idea. I'm starting to feel jinkies. My mense is killing me, that obnoxious dentist looked like a gargoyle that was about to rip my gums apart and I cannot get rid of this bloody taste in my mouth!!!! aaaaaaaaaa...Tak Suka Tak Suka tak sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

I am scheduled for further treatment. What pissed me off is, why must she be so cruel. Can't she talk nicely meh? what is so freakin' good of being a dentist anyway. if you can't be nice to people go become zookeeper laa....lei chim chii ah? how the heck am i supposed to know what on earth with all the terms of dentistry ..I am not the freakin' dentist here, you are! eii..sepak kang...

I'm still grumpy as of writing this.

Brotherhood - Life's Tapestry

Assalamualaikum ...bloggie..

On Eid's Eve, as I was driving from the dentist, my Heart drove me to my Arwah brother's grave. I haven't visited him for I don't even know how many years. I don't have the chance to know him. He left when I was not even born. But I know I have another elder brother and he has passed on. He is loved by every ONE because he is the eldest grandchildren of the family. He is my mother's apple and he left us on the day of his 9th birthday. September 19, 1970; several years before I was born. I love him and still do- though I never get to know him. He is really cute. We still have his baby nude-photo on the wall at my grandma's. That house is like a museum to all of us. It is filled with our growing up photos. Yet, I rarely visit it. Coz I can't recall everything. I have lost most of my childhood memories due to several accidents I have had. therefore, in my brain is like having a jigsaw puzzle with lotsa missing pieces. what to do ...Life.. :)

This is Abang Di's grave...

The Grave has gone through many years of salt-water erosion and got very rustic. But still intact. Some of the graves there were dislocated due to floods and tides.


Amazingly, The day he was born was the same day he was summoned to Allah's Calling. Al-Fatihah. He is greatly and deeply missed by each and everyone of us in the family.

Mom never talks of his death. I got to know from the villagers ( again...thanks to the keypochiness-er) that he got into an accident upon coming home from school. He was 9. it was his birthday. My mom was frantic upon knowing. She ran in the kampong to the scene barefooted - that's the plot I got from the folks (kinda embarassing jugak ..when satu kampong tau your family's story ..mcm tak de privacy langsung....hish ...)



I grew up dare-not asking my mom about it.. Afraid it would break her inside. He is everything to her. Till one day, I brought my mom to kak ja's house, my mom somehow told us the Real Version of the story, My brother had got into hit and run accident by one of the villagers. His body was left lying by the road to die. Had that bastard have some pity to send my brother to the hospital, he might have survived. I Cried as mom was telling it wholeheartedly at the same time holding her tears back. It was hard for her back then and it is still hard for her now to go down the lane...again. But she is strong. it is I who cry and cry. Knowing the fact that my brother was brutally murdered. To me it NEVER was an accident. IT WAS MURDER. 'nuff said. I was really angry upon knowing. I wanted to face the MURDERER. My mom told me he is dead - reluctantly. Somehow, my instinct says he is still alive. Knowing me, my mom knew I'd run amock with my rage. It's a Destiny for my brother to be Called Upon, I can accept that BUT can't he be a little human by helping him at his dying moment???! NO! that jerk ran off!!! that's what pissed me freakin' A LOT! ...Let Allah SWT punishes him on the Judgement Day for being so Cruel. Jahat ...jahat and very jahat ..Tak Suka.




I left the Cemetery, with mixed feelings. I miss my brother so much though I did not get my chance to even know him. It's the blood that tied us. I knew him through the eyes of others. He is kind, spoilt (like me...hehe), behaved kid, polite and loveable. Come to think of it ..macam I lah ..hehehehe...(prasan plak aku...) Obviously he is a lot better and wiser than me. He is the curer of Hearts for everyone and Now it is me who carries that Duty. only that I have yet to perform my obligation as the Curer...i thought i Did ...somehow ..it's vague ....and bleak...Mom admitted to kak ja, after I was conceived, everything was different. When I came along, she changed, a lot, lightened up way more and somehow I was a Blessing ( i find this hard to believe also ...coming from my mom....hehehehehe) Then how come I often feel the other way around ek ? *grins* entah laaa......



Life is indeed full of surprises. Not like a box of chocolate though, I prefer - Life is like a bottle of ointment; the more you rub it on ...the more soothing it becomes. The more you rub yourself into the fondest memories, the better it gets. It makes you appreciate what you have now before you totally lose it / them. I guess, what or who is missing in my Life is not really Gone...
He has always been with us, he breathes in me, and I didn't realize it until that Eve, when I found him beating inside ...breathing the same air that I do and sharing the same Blood as I have. Thank you God for bringing him closer to me and for letting me know he is actually there to remind us how Beautiful Life is...



Alhamdulillah...

Childhood - Revisited

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

Last week my kampung went through a medium-scale flood. I was so teruja and took the liberty to jalan-jalan in the kampung. The last time I did that was 10 years ago? may be ...it was so long I hardly remembered. Most of my play-mates in the kampung either have grown up, married with 5 children or ..dead (passed on......ishh..mulut....hehe)

with my RED payung ...I jalan-jalan ...i ended up here...

20 years ago, THAT is a HUGE field with nothing. It was a flat barren land. During the floodtime, water would fill up to chest level and my friends and I used to kayuh rakit here, swimming tok sah kata laa....diving from pokok mangga tepi tebing tu ...and tangkap ikan ...hahahahahaha gosh....those were my childhood time back then. tua nya rasa sekarang ....hahahahaha. Now that place is somehow smaller and full of bushes. no more children playing around ...they were busy with playstation 3,4,5,6,7. The houses were a lot bigger in the area...brick some more ...people getting richer and nature is diminishing.....I sat there for a while ...till a neighbor greeted me "Tie ek...." (that was my sister's name btw, in the kampong the whole village definitely know your family lineage...thanks to keypochiness-er around...) and I replied "no...u got my sister's name, am the youngest one..." and the "oooOOOOOOooooo....." yeah......try thinking harder....He left me sitting in one corner looking at the place ...as I was reminiscing my Life back then. I could hear my voice screaming around kampong with bola kaki tiga (rounders laaaa) and then the "Main Boyo (buaya)", cop the Pokok Kelapa and all the whatnots la.....tu belum kira "Main Pekong Tin" hmmm...bodo nya aku dulu ...hahahahahaha for the sake of Games , we'd fight and have 'enemies'. We'd formed our own clan during Mengaji Quran (hahahahahaha....oh God, I could go on and on......)

Then I step a bit further to the Beach, where I used to play around since I was born. Here...

Due to the Monsoon season, years after years ....the Beach has gone thru massive erosion. Only this part of the beach left for the visitors to see. The rests have been set up with embankment along the shorelines...if u walk straight along the lines, it'll bring you to PCB. The folks used to have Wayang kulit @Shadow Play on this beach. 30 years ago, it was a place of sacrifices for the Buddhist to float their Sea Gods (Dewa Laut). I remember, at 2 or 3 am we would be woken up by the chanting of their manteras from the lorry and they carried a giant burning josstick from God knows where and spreaded the ashes of the Deads into the sea and floated the offerings ...According to Geography of the folks, should it manage to float, it'll reach Vietnam on the other side. Amazing, isn't it. Those were the images I can still remember growing up. My aunts, sisters and I would sit at our big window and watched the parade of the Deads. Now. No more. They might have found new "places" for the Deads (may be...)

Then, I walked to the other side, where I used to fish..Ikey Puyu! Here...

20 years ago there we no houses. It was a barren land too. former bendang. it was a massive paddy field when I was a baby. Kat sini la aku meredah selut...hahahahaha mancing puyu...catching grasshopper for the baits, and sini jugak la aku meraung ....kene gigit lintah.hahahaha the lintah-remover would be my 'gang'. They'd come and helped me out. I love being a boss back then. hahahahahahahaha. They had to love me I think, coz I whine a lot hahahaha. It was fun growing up with them. Now, I don't know where they are. Around, but it is me who hardly around. hehehehehe. Most of them didn't even recognize me anymore ....or they simply have forgotten the good times we've shared. I remembered when this was a paddy field, I would hang out with the folks ..disturbing them kepuk padi and cutting watermelon and shared it with other children and orang-orang tua. hmmm...how times have flown. How people have changed.....How politic REEKS...

Those photos were taken 2 days after the flood. I would never go out if the water is still there coz it wasn't as clean as before. People indiscriminately throw rubbish and domestic waste around these days.

What I miss most in my Kampong are the peacefulness and lovingkindness among the People. Unity and harmony are barely exist. Respect, is even way out of question. When you have money, you can talk about respect, otherwise, nobody gives a damn. The culture is reversing and the Malays? Deteriorating.........(pathetic.....)

I have more to share....NEXT!

Show me L.O.V.E

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

I had quite a week last week. It was a packed schedule and hectic. I am also Jk-ing for Final Exam. A job that I'm so-so fond of. Whaddawe know, they all have exam and I too. It was an exhausting week for me.

Tum-tum is dying. I cry (as usual...) ye la mc T...finally it's tum-tum's turn to return to Allah SWT. I have been feeling bad for the past few days. He has been sick due to the infection on his nose. It bleeds non stop and there's nothing I can do in my power to help him. Ubat Gamat didn't help to cure his wound as he tend to scratch his nose coz of the smell....I'm sad...

Now, we only have awouk. The last descendant of tum-tum's and Lulu's family. It's hard to see them dying, lying motionless...the infection got into his left eye. and right cheek....so painful and he has to endure all that ...
Dear God PLEASE take him to You..I cannot stand seeing him suffering like that. I weep upon seeing him in the cage this morning. :( Please tell him I love him very much...we're gonna miss him most.

Still sad....huuuu...