Brotherhood - Life's Tapestry

Assalamualaikum ...bloggie..

On Eid's Eve, as I was driving from the dentist, my Heart drove me to my Arwah brother's grave. I haven't visited him for I don't even know how many years. I don't have the chance to know him. He left when I was not even born. But I know I have another elder brother and he has passed on. He is loved by every ONE because he is the eldest grandchildren of the family. He is my mother's apple and he left us on the day of his 9th birthday. September 19, 1970; several years before I was born. I love him and still do- though I never get to know him. He is really cute. We still have his baby nude-photo on the wall at my grandma's. That house is like a museum to all of us. It is filled with our growing up photos. Yet, I rarely visit it. Coz I can't recall everything. I have lost most of my childhood memories due to several accidents I have had. therefore, in my brain is like having a jigsaw puzzle with lotsa missing pieces. what to do ...Life.. :)

This is Abang Di's grave...

The Grave has gone through many years of salt-water erosion and got very rustic. But still intact. Some of the graves there were dislocated due to floods and tides.


Amazingly, The day he was born was the same day he was summoned to Allah's Calling. Al-Fatihah. He is greatly and deeply missed by each and everyone of us in the family.

Mom never talks of his death. I got to know from the villagers ( again...thanks to the keypochiness-er) that he got into an accident upon coming home from school. He was 9. it was his birthday. My mom was frantic upon knowing. She ran in the kampong to the scene barefooted - that's the plot I got from the folks (kinda embarassing jugak ..when satu kampong tau your family's story ..mcm tak de privacy langsung....hish ...)



I grew up dare-not asking my mom about it.. Afraid it would break her inside. He is everything to her. Till one day, I brought my mom to kak ja's house, my mom somehow told us the Real Version of the story, My brother had got into hit and run accident by one of the villagers. His body was left lying by the road to die. Had that bastard have some pity to send my brother to the hospital, he might have survived. I Cried as mom was telling it wholeheartedly at the same time holding her tears back. It was hard for her back then and it is still hard for her now to go down the lane...again. But she is strong. it is I who cry and cry. Knowing the fact that my brother was brutally murdered. To me it NEVER was an accident. IT WAS MURDER. 'nuff said. I was really angry upon knowing. I wanted to face the MURDERER. My mom told me he is dead - reluctantly. Somehow, my instinct says he is still alive. Knowing me, my mom knew I'd run amock with my rage. It's a Destiny for my brother to be Called Upon, I can accept that BUT can't he be a little human by helping him at his dying moment???! NO! that jerk ran off!!! that's what pissed me freakin' A LOT! ...Let Allah SWT punishes him on the Judgement Day for being so Cruel. Jahat ...jahat and very jahat ..Tak Suka.




I left the Cemetery, with mixed feelings. I miss my brother so much though I did not get my chance to even know him. It's the blood that tied us. I knew him through the eyes of others. He is kind, spoilt (like me...hehe), behaved kid, polite and loveable. Come to think of it ..macam I lah ..hehehehe...(prasan plak aku...) Obviously he is a lot better and wiser than me. He is the curer of Hearts for everyone and Now it is me who carries that Duty. only that I have yet to perform my obligation as the Curer...i thought i Did ...somehow ..it's vague ....and bleak...Mom admitted to kak ja, after I was conceived, everything was different. When I came along, she changed, a lot, lightened up way more and somehow I was a Blessing ( i find this hard to believe also ...coming from my mom....hehehehehe) Then how come I often feel the other way around ek ? *grins* entah laaa......



Life is indeed full of surprises. Not like a box of chocolate though, I prefer - Life is like a bottle of ointment; the more you rub it on ...the more soothing it becomes. The more you rub yourself into the fondest memories, the better it gets. It makes you appreciate what you have now before you totally lose it / them. I guess, what or who is missing in my Life is not really Gone...
He has always been with us, he breathes in me, and I didn't realize it until that Eve, when I found him beating inside ...breathing the same air that I do and sharing the same Blood as I have. Thank you God for bringing him closer to me and for letting me know he is actually there to remind us how Beautiful Life is...



Alhamdulillah...