A day without Lisa

Assalamualaikum bloggie..

first of all i would like to say THANK YOU ...to suhaib....for the phone call and the chats. I have been wanting to ask when can i chat with him ...eversince the accident. I wrote about it in earlier post. Alhamdulillah...he is STILL with us today. He "passed" The Test...currently discharged and resting at home with his family. what can I say? HE Knows Better. HE Granted my Prayer. Shukur Alhamdulillah... ( I guess ..thank yous are just not enough )

today Lisa went through some difficulties...I had to leave her at home. I was worried.

This evening....she is somewhat okay again....i hope she will be Fine...

i am actually tired from office. less teaching today ..but my mind was 200% working. am tired.absolutely tired.

Shattering Piece of Gut...

assalamualaikum wbt...

i was talking to my cubic-mate, ijat, earlier. our main topic was -frustration. was it me who hope too much in this line..? when u teach people ...do u educate them or do u merely teach what's in a text? or module? tepuk dada tanya selera....i chose the former...

in this working life, my current life....i do have fortunate students.. A students...not that I don't. However....sad to say ...they are not performing as they should be. Not that I am expecting miracles or wonders from them. Who am I to say and expect such thing to even begin with ? i am not God...nor angels to predict people's behavior. However what I can see....is not Flourishing in them ...is the value of sensitivity...what could others that might not hurt them. what could help others....may not be so important to them...or not even close to their Heart....they come to class...with merely paper target in their lives. Have we failed in teaching them the value of being Human? of helping others? of sharing...of learning ...and of being sensitive towards our surrounding...?

are we Bound to these people...to Govern their lives...tell them what to do? why is it our needs clashed with the obligatory purposes towards them ..yet we did not see? we are not able to lead the way ...for them to See? to Feel? to Hear, Let alone to Hold and Embrace ...

today .... i feel that I have failed. Failed to educate them. I have Sinned.

:(

mei guan xi

assalamualaikum bloggie...

how's everything going? I hope it is good...coz mine is halfway there....i have to figure out the sponsorship for next year's event and I have no clue how am i going to do it ..just yet. I chose to challenge myself with this one. Dear God....Help me to pull this through.

work...work...work harder Sha..

YaY!

assalamualaikum bloggie...

my battle ended at 1pm today! woooooooooooooooooooooo....i felt like kissing the elevator! I am sooooooooooooooo relief....i came back not knowing what else to do...I download 300 songs to my PD. hah..puas hati. thank u TM for the unfailing lines. somehow today is smooth...

thought of bowling..but ijat is not available. hoh...i am gonna have a long nite....did i tell u bloggie...last nite was sooooooooooooooo beautiful. The skies and stars were just PERFECT. it was like a huge chandelier danglin down from Heaven.....absolutely Gorgeous..SubhanaAllah...Maha Agung Ciptaan Mu........Terlalu Indah....

i spent my nite under the constellation with Black. he was very anxious and wondering what was I doing there....huhu....I can never forget beautiful skies. it reminded me of friends ...good friends ...who are currently far away from me.

hmm....new Spirit...New Life ...New Project on our way!! yeahhhhhhhh.....I can't wait to get back to work. A week off from work ..is ...Odd...yet ...treasured. I get to do what I want...whenever I want....Absolute Bliss..

and I didnt regret taking that week off ...
eager Beaver is ready to kick some ass next week! huuuuuuu..

semper fidelis!

assalamualakum bloggie....

i got back almost to midnight...from Gh last nite. Rabia is okay now. She was discharged. First degree scald n burn from hot water. *sigh* ...i was stunned ...and numbed. I never like hospitals these days...it definitely freaked me out ....as usual ...i notify Dolf about it ...it's a habit ....can't really stop it...it's in the blooooddd.... ( sure sha..who are u kiddin? yaself hor? ) haighh...

what worries me is that the water was mostly poured ontop of her chest. the hands were minor but the chest skin was pretty majorly injured. it's turning blue. Good God.....she said it's painful for her to put a dress on ....it must be tough...i mean to even injure yr finger while makin hot coffee in the morning with hot water....we'd be screaming and ouching like there's no tomorrow...imagine a whole kettle pot onto your body.... Nauzubillah....Hopefully she recovers soon. Amin.

i Came back from Lunch at the best nasi kukus in town...( nasi again? I know ...tough luck hor..) with EA and Ijat. Fetched them for office ...for the sake of That only. hehehehhehe....what to do .. i miss hanging out and laughing with them. Miss the hu-ha and gaga in the office. In fact, the minute i stepped in EA's cubicle ...we were laughing hard in the exam vault room. (notice the word Vault? yes ..no one will know even if u die in there) heheheheheheh.

now am back to my reading n revising....hooo...life is indeed precious and beautiful....and Eedward juz found out ...i coded him to that name. obboii....thanks to EA...*sigh* unrequited...so unrequited sha..lol.

i gotta get back to my reading. cant wait for tomorrow to be over ...and SLEEP is Eternity! :)

One Last Hurdle...for April.. :)

assalamualaikum bloggie...

this friday is another gigantic hurdle for me to leap....and earlier my cousin was talkin about a concert. heh....what a surprising gesture tho..i mean ..the concert...coz i havent been to one for quite some times now ......would be nice to hang out ..after all these years been sober from major entertainment.....true aye ...i should get some life ...back ... huhu

i spent the whole day today ..doing ...i dunno what. ..but i was with Luke most of the time. I did not even bother to do my reading just yet.. hee not that am lazy ...i juz dont feel like it.....last night i was up all night ...thinking what is going to happen to The Situation. Though promises were made. ..somehow ..i think it's going to be very bleak. oh well...if it's not IT ..then it wont...

i wanted to write so many things in order to train this mind and hands for writing ...but my talent isnt that flourishing as before. I'm gonna disappoint Mr Lee ...he was so adamant i could carry this weight off....hurrmmppph.....as for now ...i am actually brain tired mr lee... i know u'd say there's no such thing as that Sha.....my shoes are pretty small at the moment mr lee...

i stopped by at the office this evening...after ..almost a week now ...on hiatus ..from everything. And earlier i received a call from our EA saying there's a new appointment for a small occasion for me ....to my absolute guess... i flipped. told her i am not Interested. and count me OUT.

got a msg...rabia ..our fellow elacians...in ER....melecur....adoii...out for now..
to GH..

Questionable

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

huh...guess what... i kena lagi. now i think i am running out of patience. meluat pun ada....nyampah? oh sesungguhnyaaaa....i dont even know how much longer can i bear this cobaan....

geram+ annoyed=mcd? hahahahahaha

oh well....i am wishing too much arent i...those arent healthy sha..remember what Doc said....
occay....

alamak...now i remember Dr Latifah....die die...gotta email her soon.
ciao bloggie. catch ya later.

again and again

assalamualaikum bloggie...

 

tonite i get the honor to spend some time off with Luke.  been reading and analysing papers the whole day and now i think i deserve some quiet time with him. by the way i only have like 20 minutes to spare.  i do not know what to write. am jammed. there is some dissatisfaction inside. towards a few things...around me ..yet again.  however i still have to endure this pain...of being hit again n again by the same source of heart ache. same person ...same shits...

 

i was lazying around earlier trying to figure out how am gonna pull it thru tomorrow....its gonna be crucial i know and seriously  wish it didnt have to arrive so soon.  on the contrary...most are thinking am heading to Bali. i dont even know where did they get the idea. huhu.....how i wish i can be in Bali...but ...I do not think i wanna visit another beach in a different world again.  I have lived nearby the oceans...since ..forever.  

 

i got a new insight. on my case. i learn it hard....but hey ..at least i learned it...

 

i need to sign off...time's up.  time for Luke to rest...anyways....u r always treasured.
 

Admiration

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

it's a longgggggggggg holiday weekend ...but i didnt feel like one. There were so many Walimahs around and I chose not to attend all. Congratulations to all. First of all, I have (earlier) allocated my committment to other things during this weekend. Second of all... I never like attending wedding ..not because of my status ..( damn u people who think i'm jealous...) Third of all, I will definitely come across u-know-who, which am not really in the mood of stirring a commotion ...for the time being. and Most of all, I have committed myself to something that I cannot leave for a mere feast. tumchui...

today i tried to recover my sleeps that i have lost for the past months....still not working ....i only manage to sleep for about 20 minutes and I was up and grabbing my sandwhich and orange juice. Fortunately I was able to knock meself out after maghrib ...for 3-hour sleep... Thank God...

Oh by the way, Happy Easter to all Christian friends out there. I almost forgot to wish them.

As I was drying my hair up and thinking ...about all these weddings I missed, I was brought back to The Question from an acquaintance...( oh well....a colleague....) he asked me...was it because of my "situation"? Good enough that he asked me politely .....therefore my answer was polite....enuff. No. It's hard to even tell people that I am not bothered my "position" that much. Least, not anymore. DO i have to shout to the world? Sometimes I feel like putting a HUGE sign on my forehead and say "I DONT F****** MIND" But majority find it hard to believe....*sigh....*
It was a pointless ...

pointless to even say it here. I know the society ...( and my workplace) are punishing me hard with this "status". They love doing that since god-knows-when. DO they even know How I feel? What I have to Go through? DO they even Care? - NO. Then why is it when it comes to that "status" people are mostly judgemental?

I am tired of pleasing people around me. Honestly so tired till I do not even want to speak and mingle with the opposite gender. freaky, I know. Bored, Mostly. I do not even know How much Longer can i Stand this Pressure. It's awefully unbearable most of the time. I know for sure Allah SWT ..Knows Best and Give me Best. HE has accompanied my Journey All this while...when No One Else is There to Hold My Hand....Yet HE Holds My Heart.

To me, THAT is more than enough....

Des-serted Day

assalamualaikum bloggiee..

i have been slavering myself to wonderful desserts these few days? why ? i dunno... i juz feel like caramel stuff. ..and be nice to others..

However,

there will be rainy days....Life is not a smooth sailing ...

there is this one soul who came up in my facebook...and in-a-way...pisses me off....
for no reason. i dont really know ...Know ...this person . But it seems that, this person has "unfinished" business with me ...it's not worth to think of this ...yet it sticks in my mind.

i dont want to think abt it. juz wanna focus with more important things of my life now.
am i selfish? i have to get more info on this one...soon...real soon...

Surrounding Me

Assalamualaikum bloggie...

it's a lonngg weekend for this state this week. Tuesday and Wednesday were the Sultan's Birthday.  Happy Birthday Dude...less controversy hopefully and better Reign this time around ....Please? spare us some privacy on your case...it's about 'enuff..

as for us in the office ...we're all extending leaves...some cancelled the classes on thursday, some resume. Me? they're all asking for a break...and since they've been good to me ...a day reward ..will do. see ya sunday people.

now am still at my kitchen table ..blog-cooking. or my mak would say ..."men-sepahkan dapur saya". ngeh :) i have been wanting to make this creme brulee....and here I am.  the only  thing i do not have with me now is the blowtorch. to caramelize the sugar. hoh...what should i do what should i do.... idea! upper burner in the oven!

hihihihi....hoh...it has been a longggg 2010 for me. good start but currently being tormented with lotsa challenges that I myself is undermining my own capability...huhu

juz finished chatting to ijat via ym....our 2011 project ...gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
i am excited... Pray for OUR success!