Sunday, September 14, 2008


Assalamualaikum bloggie..
I've accomplished my duty as the announcer for the program. I've RSVP-ed the invitation and submitted to Tn Hj Rosdi. Relieved.

Oh yeah, Alien and I argue, again. It's over simplest thing. He gave Salam from behind, I was shocked. Do u know what he said? too bad la ...orang bagi salam pun terkejut.rahmat tiada or something like that la he said, i rephrased his sentences as he was uttering it to me. To my dismay, I sat there in disgust, wanting to say things back at him instead, I just looked at him in awe as he walked passed by me. Urghhh...aku posa aku posa ..aku posa..AKU POSA...tak berbaloi aku nak sakit kapla ngan orang camtuh! huh... he is indespicably annoying. Apa la masalah budak ni ..kurang hormon ka apa.

Self-centered hor? em haiya maa..sayang ....belajo tinggi...tapi attitude...ah ..dont want to think about it. Let the taqlu be....who am I to comment on him, after all ..he's the degree holder in Islamic studies.... henna? ngo em chi ya..

I can't wait for my new Baju Kurungs. Purposedly tailored for office events. I didn't plan to have Baju Raya this year ( or any years ) Talking about Raya, it worries me. Not knowing how the morning of Raya will be, scared me. Will it be another chaos? Somehow I wish I am the only child in the family. (cruel huh...?) That is how I felt. I don't feel I have siblings at all. Everybody is too busy with their 'world'. And to be honest I am not in their photo album. I have been invisible ever since I returned. I was before, but then again, I didn't feel like I was there to begin with. I was only their khadam, messenger or a plain goat for them to slaughter. That's how I looked at it. Now, I couldn't be bothered if they don't come and visit at all. They all have families, I can understand. How come I didn't see such things happen to other people's families? What I don't understand, have I been in their picture when I was born?

What went wrong? beats me. Lack of Love I presume. I on the other hand, is bestowed with tonnes of Love (eventhough I've recently realized it) I have been THE apple of my parents eyes since Allah knows when. In fact, too much. I remember not being able to go outing with friends, not until 15 or 16 years old. I was not allowed to have male friends until 18 years old. No dating whatsoever. I have been under my parents' microscope till now. I remembered shopping at Rantau Panjang (when I was 24...) which took about an hour from my house, coming home straight to a question of "what were you doing there? who were the 2 person with u? why weren't we told of them" ( I know..My God too...) we're talking about daylight and I went there without telling) My fault too but to be scolded like I went for a date or menggataling with a man, that was unfair. But, that was my life. I have been guarded since I was small. I'm not a Dato' or Tan Sri's daughter, not even a Princess of any states, Yet, I'm guarded. Now, I have curfews. I cannot be home later than 11.30pm (or i'll turn into a pumpkin..mashed pumpkin) Few years back it was 7pm. Imagine at the age of 27 my curfew is 7 at night. The only reason I got my curfew being pushed slightly later because I got involved with many programs at work. If I have student's emergency, I have to give details and then I'll be released to 'perform' my duty to my needy students. (hensel n gretel pun...tak macam tu ....haha) Somehow, refusing the Datukship from kelantan ruler IS a right decision after all. Imagine my life after penjara la jadi nya...bukan bleh bawak masuk kubur pun......

That is my life. I used to complaint about it (like a lot) But now, I'm accepting it. I am (olweish) a Princess to them. None of my siblings get THE attention like I do. If my parents have to be away for few days, I'll have a Nanny to accompany me! I once joke my mum, "do u want them to change my pads?" hahaha as usual my mak will bengang and bebel like no tomorrow. I have been and lived places, handling things on my own ..and when I am home, I'm like a newborn! I still have to do chores on my own, it's just that they still need to govern me. Haiyo this tell me. My parents are too protective. That's my conclusion. I once asked my mak, " sapo la nok kidnap saya?" Look at me, my ketumpatan is Jitu mak ....they wont be able to drag me..." and she'll go yap this yap that..yap yap..people can still harm you in many goes on and on....and on. *sigh* hehehe How did I survive all that? I don't know... But my skin is sure is THICK!

That's why home is my cocoon. My private place to lepak with my parents. I choose people whom I can invite for several private reasons. I cannot randomly invite. I need privacy. I don't talk much at home because that's where I derive my Ideas and do my readings. Not many people can understand that. Home is where the Heart is, indeed it is, at least to me. I savor being at home with my parents a lot. I'm used to living alone and independent and I'd like to keep it that way(until I get married la..that's another story.) I do have friends come over, and they are real friends. Friends who knows me inside out, and they never judge me. They take me for who and what I am.

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